Swelter
by Gryphon117
Summary: (Post-Leliel, Pre-Bardiel) A scorching sun looms over the city of Tokyo-3, disturbing the bleak daily routine of Asuka Langley-Sohryu with unwelcome changes. Or are they?
1. Chapter 1

This is such a waste of time.

Who needs school? I guess all the morons in this class do, but I sure as hell don't. I've already graduated University, so why am I stuck having to come to this stupid place? And even worse, _why do I have to clean it?!_

Because the Japanese are too damn cheap to contract some cleaning services, that's why. And they even try to pretend that doing this stuff is educational, the cheapskates. This is bordering on child labour, is what it is.

I could be doing something _far_ more useful with my time, like shopping with Hikari, watching TV...

...

...Or putting _Invincible Shinji_ back in his place.

...

That useless jerk! Just thinking about him and his entourage of adoring nitwits pisses me off! It's clear in my head that he's _nothing_ when compared to me!

So why?! Why does nobody else see it?! I'm Asuka Langley-Sohryu, I'm the pilot of Unit-02, and I'm the best damn EVA Pilot around!

Why does Invincible Shinji get all the praise!? He's just a killstealing rookie on a lucky streak, while I've been stuck doing all the crappy jobs! _I'm_ the trained pilot, _I'm_ the skilled combatant, and _I'm_ the one with the highest Sync-

A loud bang that takes me out of my thoughts suddenly rings throughout the room, and I notice with little surprise that I've just punched the blackboard. Hard.

I've been doing that a lot, lately.

Because I'm actually not the one with the highest Sync-rate anymore. Shinji is.

Stupid, talentless, grovelling, underhanded, cowardly, _infuriatingly dense SHINJI IKARI!_

The thought of such a person surpassing _me_ even for a moment is so unbearable that it _hurts_. Far worse than the pain running through my knuckles at this moment, as a matter of fact.

...

But you know what's even worse?

"A-Asuka?" a boyish voice sounds from somewhere behind me, right on cue. "Are you okay?"

Having to clean a stupid classroom in a school nobody gives a shit about while being stuck with said cheating bastard as your partner, and knowing that the moron will come asking about the loud sound he heard if he's in the vicinity, always trying to please, always playing the doormat for any scraps of pity he may get.

As if he gave an actual damn. It makes me sick.

...

Well, maybe his act is enough to fool Misato and everyone else, but it's not going to work on _me_.

"Of course I'm okay, you idiot!" I shout back at him, knowing full well that's all it takes for Shinji to give up in his attempts at fake sympathy. Not that I'd want it even if it wasn't. "Go away!"

And just as I expected, Shinji makes a perfect show of his lack of spine by looking at me weirdly for a moment, and then obediently walking away to collect water with his bucket, eyes glued to the floor and without gambling on an attempt to talk back. The knowledge that this spineless excuse for a boy is the Third Child that everyone's so crazy about only serves to make me even madder.

Then again, the last time he did stand up to me he ended up stuck inside an Angel, so he probably learned his lesson. Besides, I don't feel like watching Misato weep and wail again at having her _precious_ almost snatched from her.

I bet she didn't sound like that when I almost died a gruesome death inside that volcano. The whore.

I feel my hand clench once more but I manage to catch myself before I punch the blackboard a second time, which is obviously for the best. I don't want to hear Shinji again and I'd be damned if I let him finish his work before me because I was lost in thought.

I still need to finish cleaning the blackboard, after all, and then I'll have to bang the chalk off the erasers and do the windows. Hopefully that will be enough time for Invincible Shinji to get his act together and finish scrubbing the floor, so that we can finally go back to the apartment and I can shut the curtains on yet another horrible day.

I'd go on my own after I'm done and leave the Idiot to his own work, but Misato should be home early this evening. There's no way I could _dare_ to get back without dragging her _poor, dear, little Shinji_ with me. The floozy's tirade would go on for ages if I did.

Fuck Misato and her favouritism. I bet she got drunk on champagne the day Shinji beat my Sync-rate, and that she's already making plans to get rid of me now that I'm not NERV's top Pilot. It's obvious that she only took me in due to the tactical needs of the seventh Angel, after all, and because she wanted to get me away from Kaji so that she could have free reign to sink her fangs into him again.

The slut.

...

And Kaji... He doesn't care anymore either, right? He never answers my calls, he barely visits if it's not for Misato, and the few times he does it's clear as day that he'd rather speak to Shinji than me. It's taken him longer than most, but he's finally noticed how worthless I really am, hasn't he?

...

Useless, Asuka, you're really useless. Deep down, you've known all along, but I guess you stubbornly refused to look at yourself for what you really are until the Third came prancing around and erased all of your years of hard work in barely a few weeks, didn't you?

Not that it would have been hard for _anyone_ to do the same. A zero always remains a zero, no matter how many times it's powered. It won't be long now until you're eating Wondergirl's dust, too.

...

Mama and Papa were right in leaving such a hopeless burden behind.

I blink myself out of that train of thought and shake my head roughly. I can feel the beginning of tears well up inside me, but I manage to somehow come up with enough willpower to hold them back before they overflow. After all, it would follow on my luck for Idiot Shinji to finally show up just as I'm cracking up, just so that I can be further humiliated that little bit more.

I'll be damned if I give him the satisfaction, though. Not that he showed up in the first place.

It is then that I notice I'm not standing in front of the blackboard anymore, but that I've moved on to the third window pane of our class. I must have been working on auto-pilot all this time, to rather predictable results on how clean I've left things. I can't be bothered to go back and do the job properly, though, even if Hikari will more than likely notice my bad cleaning tomorrow and be mad about it.

But it's not like it matters, anyway. I'm not the ace of the team anymore, so it's only a matter of time until she forgets about me and moves on to lick that useless idiot's boots, just like everybody-

...My train of thought is interrupted when I fail horribly at suppressing a yawn. I notice with some annoyance that my eyelids feel heavier too, and a killer headache has started to form in the back of my head.

Great. Just when I thought that this day couldn't get any worse, life finds a way.

...It does make me wonder, though: when was the last time I had a good night's sleep?

...

Funny, that, I honestly don't remember. I know that I haven't caught a wink of sleep ever since that moron effortlessly surpassed me, but it's probably been far longer since I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed.

...

 _Way_ longer than the time I made the stupid mistake of listening to my heart, or my hormones, or whatever, that's for sure. As if the Great and Invincible Shinji-sama, Slayer of Angels and Divine gift unto Mankind, would have wanted _anything_ to do with you. Stupid girl.

...

Goddamn you, Ikari. I hate you so much.

Have fun with your stupid doll, you-

...And I don't get to finish that thought, either, although this time it's for a far more annoying reason than a yawn: the pain in my head has suddenly flared up hard enough that I end up pinching my forehead with a wince. I hold my hand to my head for a little while longer, expecting the pain to go back down to its previous hurtful but manageable levels, but it doesn't. It holds its position with perseverance, hell-bent on making my shitty day even shittier, and closing my eyes seems to be about the only thing that has any effect whatsoever on its intensity.

Clearly this is my body telling me that it's tired of my bullshit and needs something barely resembling rest. Something that I'd normally try to put off at least until I was back at the apartment, but I don't think I'm going to be getting a choice in the matter today.

...First you fail at EVA, and now you can't even control your own body. You're really pathetic, Asuka.

I resign myself to the inevitable, but there's just a little problem with the whole sleeping-in-class idea: the infernal heat of Tokyo-3's eternal hot and humid summer doesn't lend itself well to a mid-afternoon nap, and it's even worse when the sun's rays are being amplified by all this glass.

It's a little problem with a simple solution, though, because while I may be an useless excuse for a human being, even I can do something about that: I open the window closest to the back door of the classroom and do the same with said door and, soon enough, my simple actions bear fruit.

...Yes, this breeze feels nice. I guess I'll plop my head down on a desk and try to rest my eyelids a little bit, for all the good it will do me. I don't even care about what the pervert will think or do to me whenever he finally comes to scrub the floor, at this point, so long as the goddamn throbbing in the back of my mind will _go away_.

Yeah...

For just... a few... minutes...

-]O[-

I wake up with a jolt, the odious scenes and words that plague my every visit into Morpheus' realm quickly fading away and leaving room for reality. I try to blink the drowsiness away as I sit upright once more, a bit of annoying pain in my neck letting me know that it didn't like my makeshift sleeping arrangements one bit.

The foul mood that I'm sure is clearly showing in my face has nothing to do with said displeasure, however.

Another nightmare, same as always. Every little bit as I expected, but at least this little experience has allowed me to glean that they're not tied to me sleeping in my bedroom or anything like that, not that I'd ever put much hope into such a theory to begin with.

Which makes this whole nap idea sound useless and stupid in equal measures, in hindsight. What's the damn point in my body screaming at me to sleep if it's not going to rest when it has the chance to, seriously?

Because, to make matters worse, the pounding in the back of my head is still there. _Very_ slightly better, but still there.

"Oh, Asuka," a boyish voice says from somewhere to my left. "You're awake."

And speaking of pains, look who finally decided to show up.

It doesn't take me long to spot Invincible Shinji next to the windows, with a rag in hand. A part of my brain reasons that he's probably still doing the floors, but the better part of my attention is focused elsewhere:

After all, the classroom is quite a bit less blazing than I last remember. The rays of the sun aren't directly striking the windows anymore, in fact. What time is it?

...

18:30?! I've been asleep for how long?!

"S-Sorry," my expression must be telling if it's triggering Ikari's usual doormat response. Not that it ever takes much for that to happen, really. "Should I have woken you? I didn't want to disturb you..."

I ignore the Idiot's usual bullshit in favour of focusing on trying to find out just how long he has left until we can leave this Japanese excuse for a place of 'learning' and, quickly enough, I realise that something's not adding up: Ikari's supposedly cleaning the floor, but there's no bucket anywhere close, or a mop, or whatever he'd need to do so.

Would you even use a rag to clean the floor, now that I think about it?

No, the far more logical conclusion is that he's...

"...What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm cleaning the windows." The moron confirms my suspicions, suddenly taking to smiling in what can only be smug self-satisfaction. "They still looked a bit dirty..."

And I feel my teeth clench in response and my anger start to rise. At the pain in my head, at my lack of proper sleep, at all the blind retards in this city...

...And at the moron that's systematically taking everything that _should_ have been mine.

So you don't have enough with taking EVA and having everyone in Tokyo-3 kiss your ass? Are you going to be showing me up even in cleaning the fucking classroom? Is that it, Ikari?

Screw this, I've had enough. I can't stand being in the same room, breathing the same air as this bastard a second longer.

You want to impress Hikari that goddamn much? Then be my guest, Third. I'm outta here.

...

...Or would want to be, anyway, because the moment I stand up and my chair loudly clatters to the ground is also the moment that the pain in my head suddenly turns into something akin to having a white-hot rod forced into my skull; my legs almost giving out from under me doesn't help matters, either, and it's only by hanging on to the surface of the desk that I manage to keep myself standing.

"Asuka!"

And, predictably, Ikari literally jumps at the chance to show off just how superior he is to me, covering the handful of steps between us in record time.

But I'm done having any of that today.

" _Don't touch me!_ "

My roar freezes the idiot in his spot and he recoils back, as if he had been bitten. His face goes through a few different expressions, before finally settling on the one I'm used to seeing, the coward that I know he truly is but that everyone else refuses to see him for.

"...O-Okay."

Yeah, that's a good expression on you, Third. And let it be a lesson to you, while you're at it:

I don't need _you_. I don't need _anyone_.

 _And I'll fucking prove it._

I force myself to gulp down the wave of nausea and leave the classroom as quickly as I can without another word, hoping against hope that Ikari will get the message and leave me the hell alone.

But of course, clueless moron that he is, he doesn't. It takes a small while and making my way out of the school grounds, brain pounding painfully all the way, but soon enough I can hear Shinji's footsteps following behind, albeit a respectable distance away.

I don't even need to turn around to know who it is. I could recognize the tip-tap of his lugubrious walking anywhere.

As if the world owed him anything. As if _he_ was the one that Fate was toying with, pushing out of reach _everything_ he's worked towards his entire life.

The _bastard_.

Even through the agonizing pulsing in my head and the pit in my stomach, I can feel the anger rise up within me once more, reaching ever higher heights than before.

"Stop following me!"

"I- I'm not-" For a second, Ikari doubles back like he did before at watching me turn on him, but this time he tries to put up something resembling a stand and a protest. "But this is the way back to the apartment!"

"Then go find yourself another route, you idiot!" I shout back at him even harder than when we were in class, because I'm going to have _none_ of that. "I don't want _you_ anywhere-!"

But further words die in my mouth as, suddenly, the ache in my head intensifies even more and the wave of nausea comes back in full force, making me lose my balance and start retching, of all things. I double over in pain despite my best efforts, just managing to stay on my feet...

...And I've barely got enough time to put a hand on the nearby wall before the tips of my shoes are covered in vomit.

"Asuka!"

...Well, there goes my lunch. Or what little I'd eaten of it, anyway. I thought that my lack of appetite during lunch break was because it was the Idiot's turn to cook today, but it appears that there is actually a far more mundane explanation to it all. It's probably where the damn headache and all this dizziness is coming from, too.

I can't believe I actually managed to come down with something, though. It's _eternal freaking summer_ here! How could I possibly catch the flu or anything like that?!

Besides, how old was I when I last fell sick? Seven? I thought the NERV medical ward had done something to keep its Pilots from falling ill, but I guess I was wrong about that.

...It figures that _I'd_ be the one of the three to prove the weakest, too.

"Asuka, you're burning up!" the moron exclaims, having rushed over and put a hand to my forehead. "Why didn't you say anything?!"

And he almost sounds worried, even! Maybe he's scared that this lapse in perfection will lose him some brownie points with Katsuragi?

As if that would happen. Invincible Shinji could join the next Angel in destroying our EVAs and he'd get a standing ovation for it.

"-ck off..."

I'm pretty sure that he heard me but Ikari doesn't react to my words, no doubt thinking himself too damn good to respond in kind. And who can blame him, really? I must be such a sorry sight at the moment that there's hardly any need to kick the proverbial dog, after all.

That doesn't stop Ikari from grabbing hold of my left arm and waist and separating me from the wall, forcing me to rely on _him_ for support if I don't want to end up sprawled on the street. Not that such a development would have been much worse than having to endure his opportunistic embrace, and all the connotations attached to it.

I mean, he was too much of a chicken to do it when there was even the slightest chance that I would bite back for it, but he jumps at the chance to grope me however he likes when the danger is nil?

He's such a damn coward. A Coward with a capital C.

...

...And it speaks volumes of how undesirable I am that _this_ is the closest anyone has ever held me for as long as I can remember.

My pathetic attempts at breaking free end as soon as that latest thought crosses my mind (not that they would have amounted to much, anyway) and, before long, I'm being helped/dragged back to the apartment, watching helplessly as every freaking passerby smiles slyly at the scene, no doubt counting themselves lucky for the front-row seat to the downfall of Asuka Langley-Sohryu.

...

Invincible Shinji saves the day yet again. This is so goddamn humiliating.

-]O[-

The Idiot hurriedly dumps me on the couch almost as soon as we enter the apartment, and forces me to lay on my back before disappearing somewhere else. Probably the kitchen, judging by the angle, or maybe the bathroom, but it's not as if I can be sure of what I'm seeing anyway since the whole damn room just keeps on spinning.

At least I've managed to keep myself from puking again on the way back, although that's probably more due to not having _anything_ more to throw out than to anything else. The nausea's still there, stronger than ever and not going anywhere, after all; the pains that ail me since the start of today don't appear interested in leaving me alone, either.

Neither of them.

"You probably have a heatstroke." Pain number two calls out from somewhere in the distance, and I manage to make out ruffling and noise as small items clang against each other, as if the moron was looking for something. "The sun's been especially hard these last few days."

A heatstroke? Yeah, I suppose that makes more sense than the flu or any other variants considering the circumstances. Good to know that not even I could challenge the odds _that_ hard.

"The thermometer isn't in the box." Invincible Shinji returns, sporting a frown as he looks down on me. "Misato-san probably took it and forgot to put it back in. Not that I need it to tell that you have a fever."

Of course that you don't need something as mundane as a thermometer to tell my temperature, you're Invincible Shinji, after all! You're _so_ loved by everyone, _so_ innately talented, _so damn good_ at piloting EVA that such menial things like sensing heat or bursting out of physics-defying monsters are _nothing_ to you! Hell, you could probably just make these stupid symptoms instantly go away, if you so much as put your mind to it!

But of course that he won't, even if he seriously could. That would require him to momentarily step down from his position at the top to give a shit about useless ol' me, which we all know isn't going to happen. Nobody needs a second best, after all.

Nothing is impossible for Shinji Ikari! All shall bow to our Lord and Saviour! Everything will be all right in the world so long as we have Invincible Shinji with us!

Who needs other EVAs? Who needs other Pilots? Who needs a useless little brat that not even her parents could love?

While I'm lost basking in his excellence, Ikari takes off my shoes and leaves them somewhere in the kitchen area, deigns himself to put me into a moderately comfortable position before slapping a cold water bag on my forehead and even tries to get some small amount of food into my system, to the indignant protest of my stomach.

In essence, he's playing the dutiful caretaker for the moment. But not out of any real concern, mind you, but because he's still hell-bent on making his perceived mistake look as good as possible and reducing the impact of a criticism that will never come. Because, you know, this is Katsuragi and her preferred we're talking about, and we can't have the status-quo shaken in any way, shape or form. Typical Shinji.

And I let him do as he wants, partly because I feel like shit and can't really do otherwise and partly because I honestly don't give a damn anymore. Let the Idiot have his fill of praise scrounging, and just let this horrible day be over already.

...

But still, even as Ikari runs around doing task after task like a headless chicken, I can't help but notice that there's something different about him right now. He's more focused, more determined than usual.

I mean, he hasn't stuttered _once_ in the last hour, for crying out loud! Not even when the most vocal passerby ran their mouth with some bullshit, or when I startled him when I thought that I needed to make a sudden run for the bathroom.

...

It's almost like those times when he's in the EVA. Like when we faced off together against the Sixth and the Seventh, the fights against the Ninth and Tenth...

...Or when he saved my life during the Eighth.

I notice the faint glimmer of a familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach push slightly against the nausea at the memory, but quickly quash it down before it gets worse. Not the time for any of that useless and ridiculous sentimentalism.

...

...But I get it now. It's just another case of _'I'm being superior to Asuka right now'_ , like that time during the last Angel. He didn't stutter back then, either.

Yeah, that makes sense. It stands to reason that this situation in which I have no choice but to be submissive to him would bring out that elusive spine of his. He must be feeling even more cocky than I assumed, the bastard.

"...Is something wrong, Asuka?" Ikari asks, and we see the return of his I'm-so-concerned act. "You've been acting weird for more than a week now. Even Horaki-san is getting worried, you know?"

So you two are close enough already that she'd confide in you, are you? Wow, you work fast, Invincible Shinji! I'm impressed!

...not. It's the foregone conclusion, after all. Nothing special to see here, other than an overrated moron trying really hard to make me fall for an obvious trap.

"...Fuck off."

"...W-What?"

Ikari stammers, and I feel a bit of satisfaction at throwing him off his game. He's still holding his ground, though, annoyingly enough.

"I told you to leave me alone. What's so hard to understand about that?" I elaborate, as if he needed me to. "Katsuragi isn't going to give a damn about this, so stop it with the pretending and go do whatever it is that you always do. Your spot as everyone's favourite is perfectly safe as always."

"Pretend...? Spot...?" Ikari repeats, doing a wonderful job out of looking surprised. "Asuka, what are you talking about?"

"Are you _stupid_? Or are you trying to oh so graciously spare my feelings? Because you can shove it. I don't want your goddamn pity, you idiot." I turn away from him and motion as firmly as I can manage in the direction of the hallway. "Why don't you stop with the act and go claim your room back? It's not like I'll be tolerated around here for much longer, anyway. And you can have Unit-02 too while you're at it. I mean, if you can pull off that sort of numbers and kills with the Test-Type, I can only imagine what you'll manage to do with a proper EVA! Far be it for me to keep you from achieving greatness, oh Amazing and Invincible Shinji!"

I imagined that the oozing sarcasm would have helped Ikari figure out that I'm onto him and that he would have buggered off by now, but no, he remains frozen to the spot, his expression stuck in that same damn look of bewilderment. I don't get _why_ , but the moron appears determined to keep up the act until the very end, for some reason. He must be getting some sort of sadistic satisfaction out of it, or something.

I always knew he was a pervert.

"Seriously, what does it take to get you to _piss off_ , Third?" I can feel anger start to bubble up for the third time through the pain and malaise. "Is watching me humiliated in every sense of the word just not good enough for you? Do you want me to grovel at your feet, and admit that even after all my years of training I'll never be half the pilot that you are?" I throw away the cold water bag without a care for its landing and prop myself onto my shoulders, slowly rising on unsteady feet. "Because I can do that at the very least if it will just get you out of my sight."

Ikari tries to stop my ascent, but I just snarl and swipe at him and keep him from getting too close, managing to fully rise to my feet like I intended. The pain and nausea hit me full-force as soon as I do, but I grit my teeth and gulp them down before I start the movements that will get me on my knees.

Useless lout that I am, however, I predictably lose my balance and stumble forwards. But fear not! For the moron catches me as I tumble, messily throwing his arms under my armpits just in the nick of time and barely keeping us both from meeting the floor of the apartment face first, in his usual Invincible Shinji fashion.

The _bastard_... he just _had_ to have one final show of excellence to hammer the point all the way home, didn't he? I can feel bile rise up my throat at the thought and, for once today, it's not at all due to the whims of my stomach.

"Let me go, moron! Let me _go_ , goddammit!"

Ikari responds to my struggles to break free by tightening his hold further, leaving me even less room for manoeuvre.

"N-No! You'll hurt yourself if I do!"

"And what's it to you?!" I roar back, hitting his sides as firmly as I can, in the faint hope that I'll make his hold waver. My attempts fail horribly, obviously. "Let me go _this goddamn instant_ or I swear I'll freaking _bite_ you!"

"Asuka, s-stop that! You're not making any sense!" The moron continues, and I can hear a note of panic start to seep into his voice. "Everyone's worried abo-"

"Shut up, shut up, _SHUT UP!_ " I cut his lie off and redouble my efforts, looking to push the advantage. "Stop it with the _bullshit_! I'm not the best, I'm a useless excuse for a Pilot, so what do _you_ care?! What does Misato or Hikari care?! What does _anyone_ care?!"

" _STOP THAT!_ "

...

Shinji's voice rings all throughout the apartment and, just like that, I feel all strength leave my limbs in response. I can only slowly turn to meet his now furious expression, with eyes that I'd bet are probably wide as saucers right now.

...

Did... Did Stupid Shinji just _do_ that? I mean, he's argued back against my attempts at bringing him out of his shell from time to time, sometimes even in a lower pitch than his usual girly and restrained voice but he's...

...he's never _yelled_ at me before.

I'm so dumbstruck by what just happened that I offer no resistance at all to Shinji carefully putting me back on the couch. I just follow him with my eyes as he works me into my previous position, and then goes over to reclaim the water bag and put it on my forehead again.

After that, Shinji just sits on the floor, quietly shaking and looking down at it. And for once in my life, and as I watch him visibly upset, I don't really know either what to say or what to make of the Idiot's actions.

A tense silence that lingers for minutes invades the apartment, and as I ponder I make no effort whatsoever to break it. It is Shinji who eventually does break it, after he rallies and gets his act together once more.

Because this is what it _must_ be: an act. A convoluted plan to get me to lower my defences, so that the coup de grâce may follow. One final strike for Shinji Ikari to firmly secure himself in first place.

...

Yeah, that's the only possible answer. The only thing that could be going through Ikari's head at the moment.

...

...Even if a minor part of me is steadily finding that idea harder and harder to believe.

"...What's this about not being the best, Asuka? W-Why are you saying that no one cares about you?" Angry Shinji has apparently left the premises, leaving only his everyday stammering self behind. "I-I don't understand, of course we care! Misato cares, Horaki-san cares and _I_ care, too!"

That's...

...

That's _bullshit_! Of all the things this liar could claim to try and get me to lower my guard, he chooses _that_?!

This is just _rich_! He _cares_? Yeah, right!

If he _did_ care, why didn't he show it earlier?! Why did he stay still as a freaking rock when it mattered?!

Why didn't he _hold me_ then?!

I'm about to tell Invincible Shinji exactly what I think of his crap when I hear the door to the apartment quickly open and shut, before hurried footsteps start making their way in after a short pause.

"Hello? Is something wrong, Shin-chan?" Katsuragi's voice sounds from the entrance. "The door's not locked but there aren't any shoes out here?"

 _She's here_?! Is it that late already?!

"It's A-Asuka, Misato-san," Ikari recovers faster than I do, speaking to the Major over his shoulder. "I think the heat got to her."

Katsuragi enters the living room area of the apartment and quickly spots the couch. She looks on for a second or two, but her expression quickly goes from worried to neutral and into her usual I-don't-care smile in record time.

"Oh. Okay."

Her piece said, Katsuragi walks past us and calmly makes her way into her room without any alarm, no doubt intending to drink herself into a stupor like she _always_ does now that she's ascertained that there's nothing worthy of her attention going on.

And I, for my part, I'm left seething with fury at what I just saw:

Okay? _OKAY?!_

I know that you've already made it awfully clear that you don't give a hoot about me, but isn't it your damn job to at least _pretend_ to care a little bit?! Or have I fallen so far down NERV's give-a-shit meter that I don't warrant even that, anymore?!

If I ever needed any proof to disprove Ikari's latest bullshit claims, that is it, right there! I mean, it's obvious to _anyone_ that Katsuragi would have been tripping over herself to help if it had been Invincible Shinji laying on the couch and not _me_! I'm _so_ sorry that nothing happened to your little boy-toy, you goddamn bi-!

"All right! Let's check with this baby and find out what kind of crisis we're dealing with!"

The sudden voice breaks through my thoughts, and I turn my head towards it so fast that the cold water bag dives to the floor a second time. I don't even care that the welcome respite from my headache is gone, because my thoughts and attention are far more focused in this situation.

Against all expectations, Misato has returned, and I quickly notice that she has the apartment thermometer with her. One of those high-tech infrared devices that NERV keeps in the medical ward.

...Ikari did mention that it was probably in her room, didn't he? Do you mean that... she just went to retrieve it?

That she...?

N-No way. That's-

...

Misato blinks at me, before her eyes shift to the water bag on the floor and she shrugs, picking it up and handing it off to the Idiot. She then aims the thermometer at my forehead and activates it, the device letting out a short beep a second later.

I look on silently, again not really knowing what to do or say.

"39.4°... Wow, that's some fever, right there!" she whistles in admiration, before putting the device aside and turning her attention towards me. "What kind of symptoms does the patient have? Major headaches? Nausea and dizziness? Scattered thoughts? Lack of appetite?"

The pains that assail me flare up almost in succession as Misato describes them, reminding me of their presence. But I barely pay them any heed, still awestruck at what's going on.

Eventually, I just nod dumbly at Misato's question. It's about all I can manage.

"All right! Then I'd bet money on your diagnosis being correct, Dr. Ikari. We just need to take a look at this latest heat-wave we're having, really."

Misato smiles at Ikari like she always does when he does something right, and I feel a disgusting feeling creep all throughout me at the sight. A feeling that I know all too well already, because it's the one that invades me when I realise that no one will ever-

...

But then Misato smiles at _me_ in exactly the same way, and the sickening sensation goes away as quickly as it came, for the most part. And what little remains of it is washed away when she reaches out with a hand and...- and _ruffles my hair_.

Fondly, with no room for argument.

"Don't worry, Asuka-chan, it's not a big deal. This happens to plenty of people in Japan nowadays, especially ones that are not used to it. Make sure to rest for a while, keep away from the heat and have plenty to drink, and you'll be feeling better in no time! A cool bath would be good for you too when you're feeling a bit better." Misato withdraws her hand and I find myself missing the contact almost immediately. She then takes out her cell phone and shows it to me. "I'll call to let the school know you won't be going tomorrow, and ask Ritz not to schedule any tests for a few days, all right?"

Through the maelstrom of emotions and thoughts coursing through me, I manage to stammer a single word.

"O-Okay..."

She- She _cares_...?

But I'm not-

"Maybe this is a sign that we're overworking you guys a bit, though. And it's not the first one, to be honest." Misato continues, her face contorting into a slight grimace. Her expression remains like that for a few moments but, suddenly, her eyes light up like the headlights of her old car. "Hey! Tell you what: I have a free day this weekend, so how does a trip to the onsen with everyone sound? The one that we stayed at that one time? I think we've all done good enough as of late to earn ourselves a bit of R&R, yeah?"

Misato scans our faces, looking to drive us into accepting her idea and, out of the corner of my eye, I notice Ikari's gaze flicker towards me before he smiles back at her.

"Yeah, that sounds like a wonderful idea, Misato-san."

"All right! That's one person up for some fun! What says you, Asuka?"

"S-Sure."

I accept automatically, feeling no less overwhelmed than I did before. I'm pretty sure that Misato could have asked me to walk all the way to Germany and back barefooted and I wouldn't have had the presence of mind to refuse her at this time.

If she notices, though, Misato makes no mention of it.

"Great! I'll get the planning going, then!" She cheers jubilantly, before a huge yawn overcomes her at the apex of her celebration. "...But later. Can you handle things here for a while, Shinji? I can watch over Asuka while you get dinner going, but I need a nice, long, bath right about now..."

"Long day?"

"You bet," Misato grumps, rubbing her eyes. "Whoever invented paperwork can go to hell, I tell you."

The both of them break into chuckles, making a feeling of envy spiral all throughout me. It is short-lived, though, quickly shoved aside in the face of more important matters.

"Take your time, Misato-san. We'll be all right."

"Will do~!"

Misato heartily waves over her shoulder and disappears into her bedroom for an instant, before exiting with her indoor clothes in hand and making the short trek to the bathroom. The sound of water filling the bathtub and slightly off-tone humming filter through the walls and into the living room, quickly becoming the only noise to intrude in the otherwise deathly silence.

Not that I notice it, for the most part. My thoughts are more preoccupied with the events that have just transpired here, developments that I'd believed completely impossible until just a moment ago.

And through my mental reruns of the scene, playing over and over as I desperately look for any inconsistencies that will keep my view of things accurate, two words repeat themselves time and time again, gaining strength and legitimacy for each of my failed attempts at toppling them:

'Misato cares?'

Slowly, carefully, I turn my head towards Ikari, as if the answer to my sudden question where to be found somewhere in his eyes...

But he turns away, sighing deeply as a flicker of obvious pain takes over his expression.

" _'I'm not the best.'_ , _'I'm a useless excuse for a Pilot.'_ , _'No one cares about me...'_ " Ikari repeats my previous claims word for word, his voice caught somewhere between bitterness and sorrow, before he brings his eyes back up to look directly at me. His cobalt-tinged stare suddenly makes me feel very small, for some reason."Please don't ever say stuff like that again, Asuka."

...

' _HE cares?_ '

The two words that had taken over my brain following Misato's actions are swiftly replaced by a brand new pair that strike far closer to home, and a whole new heap of scenes begin to replay themselves in my mind's eye: him asking me whether I'm all right, whether I've slept well as he finishes my half-assed job, running over to catch me or gingerly laying me on the apartment's couch, trying to make me as comfortable as he possibly can...

Those recent events join a myriad others from the not-so-distant past and, when looked at in a different light, all of those actions over the last days and weeks that I believed an attack against my person, an effort to humiliate me,...

They suddenly take on a whole new meaning.

...

And make me feel like a blind moron, in hindsight.

...

...Yes. I've... I've failed horribly at seeing it, but the Third has made it abundantly clear that he _cares_. Not even the most cynical part of myself can claim otherwise in the face of a mountain of empirical evidence.

But such fresh knowledge leaves me with a big problem on my hands:

What he just said, what should _I_ say to that? What _can_ I say to that?

...

Of all the possible responses that come to mind, there's only one that sounds fit for the occasion, one that conveys all of the things that I'm feeling right now into words:

"I-" My voice feels shaky, weak; but I force myself to say what I must. What I want. "...I'm sorry."

I quickly brace myself for the many expected answers that I always envisioned for those two words, the words that I've always stubbornly refused to use in my quest for the Number One spot. Out of fear, out of pride, out of spite,... I don't remember why I stopped using them, but the fact remains that I've never expected anything good to come out of accepting a fault.

But, breaking through my assumptions once again, Ikari-

...

 _Shinji,_ just _smiles_ in that stupid way of his. The same way that _always_ manages to send butterflies down my stomach.

"It's okay."

I feel a warmth develop in my cheeks and my mind go blank for a second, in which I just stare at the cause of so many of my problems fidget nervously at my gawking.

"...And why is it okay?"

"Eh?" Shinji blinks, clearly not having expected my question. "Why?"

And I can't really blame him, I didn't expect it, either. My mouth decided to go rogue right there, completely ignoring the orders of my brain (or lack thereof, maybe that had something to do with it).

It's not like I can pull it back, though, so might as well just go ahead with it at this point. I _am_ curious, after all.

"Yeah, why?" My eyes sharply fix themselves on Shinji's before I continue, trying to summon back a semblance of my usual self. Although a bit of the effect is probably lost due to me lying prostrate. "I was not exaggerating earlier, Shinji. EVA is my life, my purpose. The one thing that defines what Asuka Langley-Sohryu _is_..." I break eye contact for a moment, and correct myself. "...Or should have been, anyway; after all, it's hard to call yourself an Ace Pilot when a sub they picked up from out of nowhere outdoes you at every turn."

"I-... I'm sorry."

"...Yeah, I know." I respond, after taking a second to gauge that Shinji actually _means_ this automatic response of his. Not that I expected otherwise. "I _know_ that you're not trying to one-up me, but that just makes the damn pill even harder to swallow, you know? If you were an arrogant prick I could at least hate you for it and paint a target on your back... but you're not. You're kind, considerate and always looking to please those around you, even if you try _way_ too hard at it, if you ask me _._ "A sigh escapes me, and I can't keep a grimace from appearing on my face. "You just have to look at today, really. I probably wouldn't have given you the time of the day had our situations been reversed, but you still went through all the trouble of looking after me when I needed it. And it was _a lot_ of trouble, I know."

Shinji opens his mouth to speak, no doubt to reassure me that it was 'no trouble at all' or that 'I would have done the same thing' (yeah, right), but I cut him off with a sharp look and another question before he has the chance to go ahead with it.

"So, tell me: exactly _why_ is it okay?"

"Because-"

Shinji makes to answer almost immediately, but then stops himself and quickly clamps his mouth shut. He then starts to find the floor very interesting, for some reason, going quiet for the longest time.

Long enough for me to start losing my patience, as a matter of fact. I manage to keep myself from hurrying Shinji up, though, because it's an honest answer that I want, after all.

Thankfully, he doesn't make me wait for much longer.

"...B-Because you're my friend."

...

And I force myself to hold back a sigh of disappointment, because a sizable part of me _was_ hoping for something different than that answer. Hoping against hope, probably, but still.

...

I get the feeling that he _was_ going to say something else, though. Was he blushing, before?

...

Nah, that must have been the fever playing tricks on me and my expectations. It's becoming a pain to even keep my eyes open at this point, really. But back to the point at hand.

"Friend?" I repeat, still having a bit of trouble coming to terms with Shinji being on board with that idea. "Even after all the shit I've given you, you'd still consider me a friend? I don't know whether I should call you an idiot for that but... thanks, anyway."

Because, honestly? I'll still take it. It's not the best of results but, after how royally I almost managed to mess things up between us, it _does_ beat the alternatives.

The only thing it needs is some more elaboration. Just so Shinji is fully aware of what he's getting into.

"I question the worth of having me as a friend, though. It's not like I bring anything noteworthy to the table, and chances are I won't be here for long, anyway, so-"

"Stop that."

Shinji surprises me by cutting me off with those two words again, paired with a more sober version of his angry expression from before. This time, however, I'm ready for them, and I don't let them cow me.

"And why exactly should I stop?" I shoot back every bit as forcefully. "It's all true, you know?"

"No, it's not. That's the heatstroke speaking. The Asuka I know wouldn't say that kind of thing."

I scoff at that. Really, of all the things he could say...

"...Maybe you just don't know her all that well, then."

"Or maybe you don't know _yourself_ all that well, Asuka." Shinji's response, every bit as sharp as mine, gives me pause for a second. But what keeps the silence going until Shinji speaks again is not me feeling flat-footed, but my eyes happening on the rather prominent blush that's growing on his cheeks. And I _know_ that I'm not imagining this one. "T-The person I look up to is better than that."

...

...W-Wait, what? Did I just hear that right?

 _The_ Invincible Shinji, Slayer of Angels and favourite Pilot of Tokyo-3, looks up to _me_?

"...The p-person I look up to is strong, stronger than I'll ever be." Shinji continues, not looking directly at me and stammering his way through in the third person. "She always charges forward without caring about the consequences and, e-even if it doesn't always work out, I-I think that's something admirable. It's better than always going with the flow like I do, anyway."

I watch in stunned silence as the boy beside me keeps doing something I always thought him incapable of, not daring to interrupt him. Not that I'd know _what_ to say even if I found my voice, anyway.

"The person I look up to s-shines like the sun, and faces Angels with a smile and no fear. Sh-She challenges me to keep up with her. She... m-makes me believe. T-That I can do it too. Her fire and confidence, and the way she looks so alive... t-those are things I can only wish I had, t-things that make me g-glad I can spend time around-" Shinji stops himself, somehow managing to look even more flustered. "I mean, as a f-f-friend! Not that s-she's not beautiful and amazing and... I-I'm going to shut up now."

Shinji's cheeks turn a bright red, his silence speaking volumes. And I get the distinct feeling that my own face isn't that far behind.

Finally, he turns to look at me, and the intensity behind his blue eyes makes my breath hitch and my heart beat so strongly that I can barely hear him. To make matters worse, Shinji suddenly grabs hold of a few of my fingers, gently squeezing them.

"B-Bottom line is that I-I don't understand how c-caring about such a great person could be wrong. S-So don't say such t-terrible things about yourself, Asuka."

And now my breath is hitching again, but it's for a completely different reason this time, one that I'm not exactly proud of. Truly, my only consolation at this point is that Shinji's feeling the pressure every bit as badly, if his broken sentences just now are any indication.

"...Honestly, h-how corny can you get?" I turn away from Shinji as much as my trapped fingers will allow me, hoping that I can hide my face. "'She shines like the sun!', that's so bad it's almost stupid."

"A-Asuka?" Shinji ventures, because he's _not_ stupid and can guess what's going on. "Are you-?"

"I'm _not_ c-crying." I cut him off, because this is already embarrassing enough as it is. "M-My eyes are just watery for some reason. I bet it's the heat. Idiot."

"...Yeah," Shinji responds after a while, pretending to eat up my excuse and chuckling a bit at it. "Condensation can do weird things."

No, it _can't_ in this context, but I'm not about to correct him. I have more than enough work with trying to bring myself back to a semblance of normalcy, anyway, because that's probably the best thing to try and do right now.

...

Or try and _fail_ to do, rather. For the longest time.

Still, I do manage to get myself back under control (eventually), and silence returns to the Katsuragi household. It's an awkward lull, and my brain's insistence on using its full capabilities to analyze Shinji's latest words from every possible angle doesn't help. _At all_.

It's bad enough to bring the echoes of my headache back to their former glory, in fact, which in turn reminds me that I _still_ feel like shit and should probably leave analyzing the finer points of a certain clueless idiot's words for a later time.

The monumental yawn that escapes me shortly after pretty much seals the deal.

"You should... You should go to sleep, Asuka." Shinji recommends, his advice interrupted by a yawn of is own. He sounds pretty exhausted, himself. "We'll wake you up when dinner is ready."

Yeah... Sleep sounds like a great idea right about now. And even if it didn't, my eyelids are pretty much closing on their own, anyway, so that decision is out of my hands.

...

I just... Have to make sure of something in the few seconds I have left. I roll onto my side and...

"...Don't move."

I give out an order and await a response. My eyes are already closed, so I can't directly spot a reaction, but the shuffling that follows Shinji's attempts to make his seat as comfortable as possible tells me everything I need to know.

"O-Okay."

My mouth curls upwards on its own at his answer and, as I feel myself drifting, I clasp the thin fingers that still haven't let go of my hand just a little bit tighter.

-]O[-

"Sorry, Shin-chan!" I call out as sweetly as I can, knowing from experience that that's all it takes to earn forgiveness from my roommate. "The bath felt _so_ good and the day was _so_ exhausting that I _kiiinda_ fell as-"

I step into the living room and blink. And stop. And feel myself gape in shock.

Needless to say this is _not_ something I was expecting to see today:

 _Both_ of my roommates have fallen asleep on the couch (well, one more than the other). But it's not so much their nap that catches my attention, but rather the position in which they're laying, right now.

All cuddled up, with Asuka hugging Shinji's head as if it was a teddy bear? Well, you betcha!

A part of me feels that I should at least rouse Shinji, since he's going to feel hell on his neck when he wakes up, but... this is just _way_ too cute to break up. So adorable that it almost makes me want to snap a few pics for posterity, actually!

...And not at all for any nefarious plots or blackmail material should the need arise... Nope, not at all...

"Oh, well!" I smile once my preparations are finished, zeroing in on the instant ramen. "Guess I'm making dinner tonight~!"

* * *

 **A/N: Well, there it is. I have to admit that the only reason this story even exists is that the opening part of this story came to me from literally out of nowhere and wouldn't leave me alone until I put it to paper. Everything else sort of came as I wrote it except for some general guidelines, so it's not like I can say that a** _ **huge**_ **amount of thought has gone into this story, overall. Still, I do think it came out relatively all right for an on-the-spot effort.**

 **By the way, and as a way of thanks, there's a paragraph in the latter part of the story courtesy of Strypgia (Panther2G around these parts), author of** _ **Advice and Trust.**_ **I suppose that avid readers of that story will have no trouble spotting his contribution in spite of my modifications to the original but, if you somehow haven't, consider it a small challenge on my part to go back and do so.**

 **As always, special thanks go to the Betas for their more than essential job and to the readers that take a minute of their time to share their thoughts on my stories. Such helpful contributions are always appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

"And here we are!" Misato proudly announces, looking towards the inn she's driven us to with barely contained anticipation. "It was a bit of a long drive from the city, but I'd say it was worth it! Don't you think so, Shin-chan?"

Misato's enthusiasm is met with only silence, and the reason why should be clear to anyone who paid attention to the second half of her sentence.

"...Shin-chan?" Anyone except Misato Katsuragi herself, it seems. "You okay?"

"Sorry, Misato-san," Shinji tries (and fails) to smile reassuringly, holding on to the roof of the car for support. "Can you give me a minute?"

And I'd normally laugh at seeing Shinji, the superior EVA Pilot, feeling car sick, but it's not like I'm doing any better. None of us are.

Truly a testament to the rollercoaster ride that Misato Katsuragi calls driving.

"Pff, what drama queens. I kept the handbrake turns to a minimum, you know?" Misato scoffs at us, smiling mockingly because she's the only one that's not holding on to something for support. "Besides, daylight's burning! We've only got until tomorrow morning to relax and have fun, who's got time to waste on the road?"

"I don't know. Maybe the normal people?" I shoot back with as much sarcasm as I can put into my voice. "Those who like to get to wherever they're going intact? I know I do."

"I see full sets of limbs on all of you, Miss Granny Driver." Katsuragi rolls her eyes, moving over to the trunk of her car so she can bring out our belongings. "You want to fear for your lives? Let Kaji grab hold of the steering wheel, I dare you."

Yeah, right. I've never had Kaji drive me anywhere, but I find that claim incredibly hard to swallow, you mad street racer. If there really was a more dangerous driver than you out there, the military would be policing the roads of Tokyo-3 24/7! Hell, I'm surprised that they don't do it for _you_. Must be a perk of being NERV's Operations Director, or something.

But that's enough of that. It's not like Misato's going to listen to our complaints, after all. Better let her get going with unloading our stuff from the car.

Instead, I turn my attention towards the sun, feeling confident enough in my balance to stand on my feet and glare briefly at the bright star. The same star that's kept the heat wave that brought me down a while ago going all week. Even now, the sun's completely alone up there, mercilessly roasting anyone unlucky enough to be caught under it, and without the respite of any clouds whatsoever as far as the eye can see.

It does at least give me an excuse to wear my favourite sundress today, which makes being out in this damnable heat almost bearable. I've only worn it a couple of times since the _Over the Rainbow_ now that I think about it, and on those times I went out with Kaji.

Too bad he couldn't make it today. I... sort of wanted to have a talk with him, about stuff I don't feel comfortable _at all_ discussing with Misato. Stuff involving smooth-talking and hand holding and a certain _idiot_ with the ability to drive me mad in more than one sense of the word!

But _nooo_ , Fate obviously won't allow me to receive any help, because where would the fun in that be? Instead, and to make matters even more hilarious for whatever sick powers-that-be that get a kick out of screwing my life over, I'm stuck sharing this trip with _her_ of all people.

And yeah, at this point, I _do_ honestly believe that there's some sort of being out there who's having _way_ too much fun at my expense. That's about the only way I can reason the First suddenly deciding that she wanted to spice her bore of a life a bit and come to the hot springs with us, and wearing what she's wearing, no less!

I didn't even know Wondergirl _had_ dresses, after all. I figured she was on the habit of making do with school uniforms for everything, just like Shinji, but apparently not. Sure, it's just a simple plain white thing that's as boring and uninteresting as she is, but I _guess_ I can give her a C for effort.

...

Damn doll fills it up annoyingly well, too.

As I'm looking at her, Ayanami puts on a white sunhat to complete her ensemble and our eyes meet for the briefest of moments. But what has me blinking in surprise shortly after isn't the visual proof that the First could look awfully good if she ever put her mind to it but, rather, the speed at which she ends up breaking our stare down. Because _that_ has to be a... well, a first.

I mean, it's not like I pay enough attention to her in our everyday goings-on that our line of sight crosses plenty of times, but whenever it's happened I've always found myself being the one to break off first. For an emotionless robot, she sure can put some mean power behind her looks when she wants to.

...

That time when Shinji was swallowed by the Angel comes to mind, for example. Although that wasn't my finest hour, I'll admit.

In any case, I want to say that with the way Ayanami acted she looked almost... ashamed, somehow? But then my brain remembers that this is the First we're talking about and quickly files away my delusions somewhere they won't be dug up again. I've got enough stuff on my plate already without questioning why the Doll could be breaking character, thank you very much.

"I'd say Rei has a good idea going." Misato suddenly makes me jump, coming up from behind and putting another sunhat on me. "You don't want the sun getting to you again, kiddo."

I narrow my eyes at the woman (especially when she uses the hat as an excuse to pat my head like a child) but keep my quips to myself and the sunhat where it is. I'd be lying if I said that the thing didn't make a world of difference, after all.

"Thanks."

Besides, I've given Misato a bit of extra work these days, so it's only fair that I let her off the hook with this sort of stuff for a while. Not that she was all that touchy feely with me before, now that I think about it.

...It's not a terrible change of pace, though.

"I'll take those, but I'm just the middle-woman here." Misato smiles, signalling with her head towards the only male in our group. "Shin-chan's the one who brought it for you, so make sure to let him know too, eh?"

I follow Misato's indication to find Shinji getting our stuff out of the car's trunk and the First looking on almost curiously from the side, as if she'd never seen anyone do something so menial before.

But Ayanami's latest quirk gets pushed to the back of my mind when Shinji looks up and notices me staring. Just like that, and as cliché as it may sound, time seems to freeze in place for the both of us, and I find myself unable to tear my eyes away from his.

This has happened infuriatingly often, as of late. And like all those other times I've been caught in this position, I just _don't know_ what I should do. I know that I _have_ to do something, though, and, before long, my body's made my decision for me and I'm nervously waving to Shinji.

Then, as if the spell has been broken, he just smiles and goes back to work.

And that's enough to bring back the memory of his words and a deep blush to my face.

 _'The Asuka I know wouldn't say that kind of thing.'_

 _'Not that she's not beautiful and amazing and...'_

 _'I don't understand how caring about such a great person could be wrong. So don't say such terrible things about yourself, Asuka.'_

I think I remain like that for quite a few seconds before my brain finally reboots itself and a semblance of awareness returns to me. And the first thing I do (obviously) is to pull back my hand as if it had been bitten by a snake.

 _WHAT. AM. I. DOING?!_

Am I trying to mimic one of those airheaded idiots from Hikari's romantic manga, or what?! The kind that seems to lose all motor and cognitive functions when in eyesight of their crush?! This is not _me_! Shinji put it right when he said that I always charge forward, so why in blazes am I having so much trouble talking to the guy I like when I can face a freaking kaiju without flinching?! It's like I need a goddamn fever and no chance of escape to keep myself from chickening out or something!

This is so goddamn frustrating! I ca-

"Helping him with the luggage might be a good way of getting a conversation going, you know~?"

I barely suppress a squeak as Misato whispers into my ear.

...Well, crap. Guess she wisened up to things now, _just_ what I needed. I wonder if it's because she hasn't been chugging down beer after beer lately?

...

No, it's probably because I pretty much just screamed that fact to anyone that was looking. Hell, I'm pretty sure that even the First was looking at me weird back there! I'm making myself look like such a moron!

...

Sigh. In any case, it looks like I'm going to be stuck with Misato for support for the near future. The same irresponsible, lazy and childish Misato that can't even manage to get her own deal with Kaji straightened out.

...This will go _well_. I know that I grumbled about not receiving any help earlier, but you're not even trying to be subtle about screwing me over anymore, Fate.

"Such sound advice." I sigh, before throwing the most deadpan look I can muster Misato's way. "Too bad I can tell you offered it because you just got tired of unloading stuff already."

Misato doesn't even try to deny my accusation, not that I ever expected her to. Instead, and as I step forward to follow her advice, she settles for trying to conceal her intentions pretty damn terribly.

So terribly, in fact, that I can't help a parting shot.

"...And that innocent whistling isn't fooling anyone."

-]O[-

"Thank you for helping me with the shopping, Ayanami. We should be done in no time with the two of us."

Ikari-kun smiles as he leads me to a small village near the inn. He has expressed his intentions to prepare a 'hot pot' for our dinner today, and requested that I join him in procuring the necessary ingredients. I saw no reason to decline.

"It isn't a problem." I turn my attention to a young child that's staring intently at me, like many of the villagers have, before. His face colours when he notices me looking back, and he quickly hides away. Most curious. "But I don't understand. Is the food at the inn not adequate?"

"No, it was fine, I enjoyed it a lot. It's just that I felt like doing something special because you're here with us today, and since the staff had no objections..." Ikari-kun trails off, scratching the back of his head. "Besides, I don't think you've tried it?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then I think you'll like it." Ikari-kun smiles, before sighing and speaking in a hushed voice. "And I hope Asuka does, too. Even if it's out of season for it."

I surmise that Ikari-kun didn't intend for me to hear his last words, but I manage to understand them perfectly, nonetheless. They serve to help me understand the suddenness of Ikari-kun's departure, as well.

Pilot Sohryu's erratic behaviour over the last two weeks has visibly reached a peak today, after all, and I have likewise noticed several discrepancies in Ikari-kun's latest interactions with the Second. The main difference appears to be an incapability to hold a standard conversation of the kind they have in the past, as the incident upon our arrival at the inn clearly suggested.

...

Watching that event also caused an unpleasant feeling to develop in my chest. I don't understand why.

...

Nevertheless, it would appear that Ikari-kun seems intent on evading Pilot Sohryu for the moment, and is using dinner as justification for the separation. Such a theory would be understandable, considering that the Second looked close to initiating one of her usual tantrums when we left.

I still don't understand why my presence is required, however, since Ikari-kun has proven adept at multi-tasking in the past. Still, I don't find the request troublesome in the slightest. I suspect that exploring this small village with Ikari-kun will prove more interesting than the massages Pilot Sohryu and Major Katsuragi were going to receive.

...I expect it will also eventually explain why so many of the elderly in this village are smiling in our direction. I fail to see the humour in our errands.

Such questions go unanswered upon our arrival at the village's store, however, and after politely greeting the shopkeeper, Ikari-kun leads us to procuring the ingredients he'll need. We acquire various vegetables, tofu and sauces, but Ikari-kun refrains from adding beef to our purchases, probably remembering my dislike for meat.

I help him in any way I can, as is my current purpose, and it is when I'm bringing some mushrooms to our bag that I notice Ikari-kun staring intently at me, not unlike that boy from before; curious, I decide to question him:

"Is something the matter, Ikari-kun?"

My knowledge of his attention must have caught Ikari-kun by surprise, because he jumps as if jolted and quickly turns his eyes away.

I don't understand why he reacts like that. His stare wasn't unpleasant.

"E-Eh? N-No! It's just..." Ikari-kun's face then colours slightly, further following the boy's reactions step by step. "T-The dress. It really suits you."

His words elicit a reaction from my body, a complete opposite of the feeling that invaded me when I witnessed Pilot Sohryu and Ikari-kun's interactions this morning. It's a pleasant sensation, and one I've felt a few times before.

...

...Are my cheeks heating up as well? Why does this happen when Ikari-kun praises me?

"...Thank you." I respond, quickly refocusing my thoughts. "It's enjoyable to wear, and more comfortable for this weather than my usual clothes."

"I figured." Ikari-kun smiles, further worsening my temperature troubles. "A-And I'm glad you like it! I guess that makes all that embarrassment at the store the other day worth it."

I suspected that Ikari-kun had an ulterior motive behind accompanying me to my apartment back then, other than extending an invitation for this trip and forcing me into acquiring more clothing when he deemed my usual wear unsatisfactory for the occasion. Nevertheless, buying my new dress was an interesting experience.

In any case, I couldn't precisely tell what Ikari-kun's motive actually was, but it seems to coincide with his reasons for inviting me today, as well. After all, and judging by the likeness of his body language, there's been something in his mind during both occasions. In the same manner, however, he seems conflicted about actually speaking his thoughts out loud.

This is disconcerting, but I believe I have enough information to correctly infer the source of his worries now. Perhaps I should offer my assistance, and say that which Ikari-kun won't.

"It would appear that you're concerned about Pilot Sohryu's recent atypical behaviour, Ikari-kun."

Ikari-kun's hand freezes in midair just as he was about to reach for some carrots, and he turns to look at me as if my statement required an impossible leap of logic, or an intellect far greater than my own.

Neither of those are true, but I don't mind it. On the other hand, I suspect that the Second would have found such a reaction offensive. That sort of response is not uncommon for her, however.

"Heh," Ikari-kun eventually chuckles to himself. "First Misato-san and now you, Ayanami. It must be pretty obvious, I guess."

"It was."

I see no reason to be dishonest. Ikari-kun certainly agrees, because he's laughing as he proceeds to fetch the last ingredients he requires for the 'hot pot'.

I like it when Ikari-kun smiles, or laughs. The resulting feeling is enjoyable, and it remains with me until the moment when Ikari-kun hands the ingredients for the store clerk to appraise, and cautiously turns towards me.

"Hey, Ayanami. This may sound like something weird to ask, but could you listen to me for a minute?"

I don't understand why Ikari-kun would feel apprehensive about speaking to me. He has done so many times in the past and I don't think I've ever claimed his efforts to be unpleasant.

"It's not a problem."

Following my response, the store clerk giggles. She's a young woman with brown hair and red glasses, and appears to possess the same strange sense of humour as the elders we met before.

Something about her reaction seems to agitate Ikari-kun, however, if the sudden burst of speed with which he begins to pack the ingredients is any indication. Shortly after, and as we leave, the store clerk smiles at me and mouths the words 'Good luck'.

...

I don't understand the reason why any more than I understand the people in this village.

-]O[-

The view from the overlook Ikari-kun lead us to encompasses mount Asama and the surrounding countryside. The sea of brown, green and black below, as well as the sounds of the winds and faraway animals, fill me with a feeling of calm. It's an enjoyable experience.

The scenery seems to have a similar effect on Ikari-kun. He's still clearly nervous and having trouble putting his thinking into words, but his right hand isn't reflexively opening and closing anymore.

I feel no need to press him. Ikari-kun will speak when he wants to speak.

"Asuka, she..." he eventually starts when he's ready, a few minutes later. "The day she fell sick she said a lot of awful stuff. About me, about you, about Misato, about everyone. From what she said, the way she acted for the last few weeks was all tied to me getting past her in the synch tests and I don't know _why_ , but Asuka was stuck on the idea that if she couldn't hold the highest synch ratio, if she couldn't be the best, no one would value her. I-I think I managed to make her understand that she was wrong about that, but I'm still worried about her."

I see. I do recall the Second going through one of her outbursts on the day she lost the lead, and her feeling clearly bitter towards Ikari-kun. I thought it a mere momentary by-product of her competitive nature, however, and didn't pause to consider her loss of top position as a cause for her continued erratic behaviour.

Honestly, I assumed the Second would have moved past such meaningless labels within a few hours. Clearly, I was wrong.

"Understandable." I agree with Ikari-kun's concerns for unit cohesion. "Pilot Sohryu is a necessary asset in our fight against the Angels."

"I..." Ikari-kun considers my words for a moment, and then slowly shakes his head in the negative. "I don't think it's just because of that, Ayanami. I mean, I would still be worried about her even if we weren't pilots, I think. Same with you."

...

I don't understand the reason for Ikari-kun's worries considering that I can and would be replaced, but his words make me feel... warm. Just like in the store a few minutes ago, it's an enjoyable feeling.

"...I see." I respond, trying not to dwell on the fact that my cheeks are also feeling warmer, once again. "Would you say that Pilot Sohryu's personal worries have been assuaged then, Ikari-kun?"

"Well, like I said, I don't really know." Ikari-kun sighs deeply, tiredly rubbing his temples. "I think so, but Asuka's... she's always been hard to read. Even at the best of times."

"Is that uncertainty the reason why you're avoiding interaction with Pilot Sohryu?"

Ikari-kun's head quickly snaps in my direction, again looking at me as if the theory I presented was beyond my capabilities (and again, I feel no offense at this). He then seems to consider his answer for an extended time before he looks away, scratching his head.

"Ehm, kinda..."

I find Ikari-kun's ambiguous response lacking, but believe that he will elaborate at his own discretion. My confidence is indeed rewarded a few moments later.

I believe I can also spot a distinct colouring of his face as he does. Intriguing.

"I... think that Asuka and I had a moment?"

...

I don't understand what Ikari-kun means by 'having a moment'. I recognize the latter word's use of denoting a specific point in time, but I was unaware of such points in time being something one could actually physically acquire, and much less misplace in the manner his use of the past tense seems to imply.

...

...On the other hand, I believe I may be misinterpreting Ikari-kun's meaning. Regardless, I also presume that asking for an explanation on what appears to be a minor detail will only have him circumvent the topic, so I refrain from doing so.

"It's just that following that nothing's really happened, and I just... don't know what I should say or do, or even what I'm _supposed_ to say or do." Ikari-kun groans. He looks clearly frustrated. "And I think Asuka's the same. I think she's also starting to lose her patience, too, and that's probably not a good sign, either."

Pilot Sohryu's overall lack of composure has indeed proven to be a problem on more than one occasion. It's easy to understand why Ikari-kun would be concerned about such an event, considering the impact it could have in battle.

I find myself incapable of offering any advice on the topic, however. Therefore, I remain silent.

"...Hey, Ayanami." Ikari-kun ultimately speaks up, a note of anxiousness clearly audible in his voice for reasons unknown. "Y-You wouldn't happen to know anything I could do, right?"

"I don't understand." I question, quickly noticing that Ikari-kun's hand has begun to clench once more. "Why would I?"

My interactions with Pilot Sohryu could be described as few and poor, after all. I don't understand Ikari-kun's request, considering that he should have a greater expertise in the matter.

"I- Well... B-Because you're a girl, you know? I thought that girls were more interested in l-love and r-relationships and, you know, s-stuff." Ikari-kun elaborates, his state of agitation growing by the second. "I-I was going to ask Horaki-san, b-but she's been really busy lately, and I don't think t-this is something I can speak about with Misato-san, so..."

This is strange. I don't understand what relation the topic we were discussing could have with interpersonal intimacy.

...

But... does such a question imply that Ikari-kun has a romantic interest in Pilot Sohryu?

...

...Why do I find that idea unlikable?

"I don't have any knowledge of such matters." I promptly respond, but I'm surprised at the sharpness behind my words. The last and only time I used such a tone was when Ikari-kun criticized the Commander, after all. "I'm sorry that I can't be of assistance."

And the deviation in my speech hasn't been missed by Ikari-kun, either. That perception must lead him to misinterpret my intentions, because he swallows audibly and shifts his position slightly further away, as if he was feeling defensive.

I... don't like that.

"I-It's fine, Ayanami, don't worry. This is probably something we have to figure out by ourselves, anyway."

Ikari-kun reassures me as a way of concluding with the topic, but his words end up having the opposite effect of making me feel like I've failed in my momentary purpose, somehow. After all, and as a silence that's not anywhere as enjoyable as the one that followed our arrival sets in place, I surmise that Ikari-kun isn't any closer to an answer to his troubles than before he asked for my assistance.

A situation that I don't find at all agreeable, and one that I'd like to remedy if possible.

"A-Actually, though..." Ikari-kun gives me the chance for that sooner than I'd expected. "Could I ask you for a favour?"

"Yes."

I find myself agreeing before I take the time to think my response through, and I don't understand why. Perhaps I want to prevent Ikari-kun from believing I'm angry at him?

...

But am I feeling resentful towards Ikari-kun? And if so, why? Ikari-kun has done nothing to offend me.

"I already talked to Misato-san about this, and she promised that she would try something on her side." Ikari-kun continues, unknowing of the conflicting thoughts and emotions that are currently assailing me. "And I k-know that Asuka and you don't exactly get along, but I thought that maybe you could... talk to her, too? T-Try to make her understand that she's more than just a pilot for EVA? That... That people care about her?"

...

Ikari-kun is worried. Ikari-kun is worried about the Second, and about her future level of performance. That's a perfectly reasonable cause for concern, considering the circumstances. Whether Ikari-kun has a romantic interest in the Second and whether it is reciprocated or not is irrelevant for my purpose, as is my accepting to aid him in pursuing a relationship with... her.

...

So why is this unpleasant feeling in my chest rising once again? Why do I _not_ want to agree to his request?

"...I will try."

I respond, although the words feel foreign and objectionable and _wrong_ to me.

"Thank you, Ayanami."

And his relieved smile only serves to intensify the tightness within my chest.

...

 _...Why_ is this?

-]O[-

"Aaah~! This feels heavenly~!"

Yeah, I've got to agree with Misato there, these hot springs are really hitting _all_ of the spots. It's too bad that our last visit was over so quick, because this place may not quite be spa levels of fancy, but it's pretty darn close for a town in the boonies. _Especially_ the massages, as all the former knots in my back can attest to.

I'd say this place was quite the find, really, so kudos to Misato for that. It also has quite the view on offer from the springs themselves, giving a fairly clear view of some of the countryside, the mountains and the volc-

...

...Crap. And now I'm thinking of Mount Asama and a certain idiot again. And here I'd been managing to do such a good job of keeping him and his half-assed courting out of my mind all afternoon, too.

...All that time that the idiot has gone off to spend with the First, for some inscrutable reason. I bet that they're off laughing and having fun around town right now, with the Doll doing her damn best to seduce Shinji using that stupid form-fitting dress she produced from out of nowhere, the underhanded skank.

But the funny thing is that I'd be lying if I said that the First's the one I'm mad at, right now. Oh, no, no, _no_! That honour is reserved for the boon of Mankind himself, Slayer of Angels and Master of the Thousand Honeyed Words, Invincible Shinji himself!

Because I mean, seriously? After all of that corny stuff he said to me a few days ago, he goes and jumps at the chance to go on a date with the fist girl that crosses his field of vision? Goddammit, the guy moves so quickly that I'm going to need to change his title from 'Stupid Shinji' to 'Shinji the Casanova', at this rate.

...

If only he could use some those Romeo airs of his to advance the relationship he _should_ be advancing, _I_ wouldn't be here, thinking of the best way to get to his heart.

From the outside. And as messily as humanly possible.

"I recognize that expression! Am I guessing right if I say that Shin-chan should be chain sneezing right about now?"

Misato's voice breaks me out of my thoughts, and I level a warning glare in her direction. I'm _so_ not in the mood for her sorry excuse of a sense of humour.

It doesn't seem like she's getting the memo, though.

"What? Am I not allowed to be annoyed?"

"Of course you are! I mean, you'd probably explode or something if you weren't." Why doesn't this woman ever let go of the chance to be irritating? "I'm just wondering why you're so upset, is all. I'd expect that if anyone should feel annoyed, it would be Shinji, considering how unfair you're being."

I find myself blinking in surprise for a second, trying to bring my head around what Misato just said. My confusion quickly leaves way to indignation, however.

"And how am I not being fair?!" I protest. "It's not like what he's supposed to do is _that_ hard, dammit! He only needs to show a minimal amount of that spine he pulls out from out of nowhere when piloting EVA and _ask_!"

"And why don't you do it yourself, if it's that simple?" Misato counters, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Aren't you a fearless EVA Pilot, too?"

"Well that's because-...!"

I stop myself before I blurt out the first thing that crosses my brain, and take a short moment to contemplate Misato's mocking comment as if it was a serious question: just _why_ am I having so much trouble with going up to Shinji and demanding a straight answer out of him?

Is it just because I hate the fact that I can't be within twenty metres of him without getting tongue-tied and making myself look like a moron, lately? Because I don't want to make myself look weak by being the one that tries to break the stalemate?

...

...Or because I'm terrified of the actual possibility that he'll say no?

"B-Because it's the guy's job to ask, obviously!"

I accidentally finish the moment that last thought comes to my mind, feeling as if an ice cold hand had suddenly coiled tightly around my heart.

"Funny, I never pegged you for a girl with that sort of backwards thinking, Asuka-chan." Misato scoffs, watching me with interest. And I kick myself for managing to say something so damn stupid, even if I didn't mean to. "That sounds more like one big, fat excuse to me, really."

"Think whatever you want," I deflect, because I'm sure as hell not going to share my latest insight with _Misato_ , of all people. "But more importantly, are you actually planning on helping out at some point, or are you going to spend all of your time laughing at me?"

"Wow, that's a tough one! Let me think..." Misato brings a finger to her lips and makes a show out of debating the two options, just to irritate me even further. I _hate it_ when she does this. "Oh, I know! I think I'll go with a bit of column A, and a bit of column B. How's that sound?"

"Terrible."

And I guess I should've seen that one coming. Two can play that game, though.

"Then again, I never expected anything approaching support from someone who can't even keep her own love life in check."

"Ouch, rude!" Misato mockingly recoils back, clutching her chest as if she'd been shot. "Buuut I guess I had that one coming."

Misato then breaks down chuckling at our exchange, and it's not long before I join her. It's silly, it's senseless, and I probably would have turned up my nose at acting like this not that long ago but when all is said and done it's also... _fun_. And just like that, all of the introspective tension that had been building within me evaporates as if it had never been there, and the two of us are casually talking about clothes, about friends, about whatever crosses our minds at that specific time. The topic isn't nearly as important as the simple act of talking, weirdly enough.

...

And it's with that realisation that I notice exactly how much actual _talking_ I've been doing today. I mean, it's not like I'm usually First levels of quiet or anything, but it _is_ true that I haven't been my outgoing self ever since Stupid Shinji beat my synch score.

I guess that's been fixed by spending an entire day with Misato, though. She's been stuck to me like glue for some reason, after all, but I have to admit that except for those times when she's been in Insufferable Joker mode ( _a lot_ too many, if you ask me), it's been enjoyable having her keep me company while we talk about nothing and everything.

It's hard to put into words, but it's like there was some sort of connection with her that was missing before, and that's being slowly fixed as we speak, somehow. I mean, I don't think I've spoken this openly to Misato in like... well, ever.

...

Okay, maybe not _ever_ , but definitely a very long time. 'Years' kind of long sounds about right all things considered, since that's around the time when she was my guardian back in Germany.

"Okay," Misato breaks through my thoughts for the second time, and I don't fail to notice a faint hint of seriousness to her voice. "Sorry to ruin the moment, Asuka, but there's something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now."

That's unexpected. Misato taking anything seriously outside of her job at NERV is about as common as seeing the First do anything remotely human-like.

"Huh? What is it?"

Misato takes a few seconds to contemplate her words, and I find myself growing more and more curious as she does. This situation here's really as un-Misato as it gets, after all.

"Well... it's about something Shin-"

"Good evening."

A third voice cuts into our conversation, and the both of us quickly turn around to see the First entering the springs, clad in a towel of her own. Needless to say, my mood takes a dive the moment I lay eyes on her.

"Oh, hey, Rei-chan!" Misato quickly reacts and brings her wrist up to take a look at her watch, before smiling evilly. "Uh, is it that late, already? Did Shin-chan and you have fun touring the town~?"

Oh, screw you, Katsuragi! You're not even trying to hide your attempts at making me feel jealous!

...

...And you're actually pulling it off, too, annoyingly enough.

"It was enjoyable." The First answers in less than five words, just like she always does. She then turns towards Misato. "Ikari-kun asked to see you, Major."

"He... did?" Misato blinks, perplexed at what the First just mentioned. "Did he say if it was important?"

"It is most important, Major."

"...Weird."

Yeah, I agree. It's not like Shinji to go around demanding stuff.

"Oh, well. I'm going to miss the hot springs buuut... better safe than sorry, I guess." Misato stands (more than a bit grudgingly, I'd say) and wraps her towel around her, before winking in my direction. "We'll speak later, Asuka."

"Sure, see you later."

I quietly follow Misato with my eyes as she walks to the spring's exit, all the way silently pondering what could be so important for Shinji to actually _bother_ someone. He must have found The Answer to Life or something along those lines, at the very least.

Well, whatever. If it's important, Misato will let me know, I guess. I'm more interested in whatever it was that she wanted to tell me before the First appeared, anyway.

And speaking of which...

"Congratulations on your 'enjoyable' little date, First."

The First looks briefly my way but offers no response to my taunt, not that I really expected her to. Instead, she discards her towel on the tiled floor without a care and makes to move into the spring's proper...

...Before she yanks her foot out with a startled yelp the moment it touches the water.

"What is it, Wondergirl?" I can't stop myself from jeering. "Can't handle the heat?"

"...The water's really hot."

The First blinks my way as she says that, and then turns to look at the hot spring as if it was some sort of inscrutable puzzle.

"Well, duh. And here I thought that the steam would be a dead giveaway." And just why does she look so darn confused, anyway? I seriously don't get her. "Besides, it's right there in the title, you know? _Hot_ Springs, as in _not_ cold? Sound familiar?"

"I _am_ familiar with the concept of a hot spring, Pilot Sohryu." Her response goes back to being terse, as usual, and if she were capable of showing any emotion, I'd say that it would also imply indignation. "The heat just exceeded my expectations. That's all."

Almost as if to prove her point, Wondergirl follows her words by walking resolutely into the hot spring a second time, this time more successfully. She makes her way past me and towards a seat, and hesitates for a second or two before lowering herself into the water two metres or so away from me.

And then she just sits there and _stares_ , silently and intently. I guess that she's going for one of her creepy usual stare downs that can be a bit of trouble to counter, but the effect of today's attempt is fairly diminished by how clearly uncomfortable the First is in this place. You've just got to look at how hard she's sweating after barely a minute in the soak, really.

Obviously, I seize the advantage and confidently stare back at her every bit as intensely but, despite her handicap, the First manages to hold up her side of the contest annoyingly well. So well, in fact, that it's not long before I'm starting to grow bored of our match, what with her not doing much of anything aside from making me feel awkward, too.

"...What is it, Wondergirl?"

"Do you have a romantic interest in Ikari-kun?"

...

...

I'm _pretty_ sure that the First didn't just gloat or spew more of her usual toilet philosophy, but did she...

"Wha...?"

Did she just... No way. I must have heard her wro-

"Do you have a romantic interest in Ikari-kun, Second Child?"

...Okay. I _didn't_ hear her wrong.

Time to panic.

" _T-THE HELL?!_ "

Before I know it, I've stood up so quickly that I almost end up falling back down into the water, with the errant droplets that my thrashing causes splashing onto Ayanami.

"W-W-W-What are you talking about, you idiot?!"

Wondergirl pokes her head out of the barrier she instinctively made with her arms, and blinks at the inquisitive finger that's pointing towards her forehead. As a side note, her confused look would have been hilarious to immortalize if I didn't have greater things to worry about.

Greater things like figuring out what's up with this weirdo today.

"I am _not_ an idiot." The First frowns, her momentary bafflement leaving way to annoyance. "And I believe my question was perfectly clear. Nevertheless, I will repeat it once more: do you have a romantic interest in Ikari-kun, Second Child?"

"I-... I don't-... I mean-..." Crap, I'm stuttering something fierce. This _really isn't_ what I was thinking I'd get out of confronting Wondergirl. "A-And what the hell is it to you?!"

"It is very important to me. The specifics of my current purpose depend on your answer."

Well, that was clarifying. _Not._

Then again, that's pretty much par for the course as far as the First's concerned.

"'Current purpose'? W-What are you going on abo-"

...

Wait a minute, it depends on _my_ answer? And the First is looking as serious as I've ever seen her, too, so...

...

...Of course, that's _got_ to be it!

"Oh, I get it! You're just jealous!" I put everything I have into my counter, rallying behind the opening I've managed to figure out. "Your crap attempts at seduction didn't work because Shinji's as dense as a rock, and now you're trying to find out how far ahead _I_ am in order to step up your game!"

Ayanami's frown deepens as I aim my finger at her again. She can obviously tell that she's in trouble now that I know what's up.

"...I don't understand your meaning. Why would I-"

"Don't even _try_ to play innocent, Wondergirl! You're always making doe eyes at him!" I cut her off, stepping forward until I'm towering over her. "Or are you going to try and tell me that I'm making that up?!"

"Are you implying that I look at Ikari-kun in the same longing manner the two of you stare at each other when you believe no one is looking?"

...

...

...Huh?

"W-W-What?!" I pull back my finger so quickly that any observer could easily think it'd been burnt. "I don't do that!"

"I disagree. You've done so many times already on this day alone, after all," Wondergirl charges on, crushing my hastily erected protests with nary an ounce of mercy to her name. "And disregarding the brief decline in the occurrences prior to and following the attack of the Twelfth Angel, the frequency of the events in which you fixate yourself on Ikari-kun has been on a steady rise ever since your arrival at Tokyo-3, particularly when you seek to relieve your boredom during school lessons."

Slowly, and almost as if someone other than myself was guiding my body, I settle back down in the warm waters of the hot spring as the First continues to speak. I don't know if my unconscious reaction is born of a need to sit down and make sure I won't fall while my personal secrets are effortlessly revealed right before me, or if I'm just trying to use the hot waters as an excuse for the bright blush that I can already feel all over my face.

What I _do_ know, is that my eyes stare unblinkingly at Wondergirl as I move, and that my face must be worthy of a picture, if the disbelief that's coursing through my mind is anything to go by.

After all, of all the people that could have caught me in the act, it had to be _her_. Not Hikari, not that moron Suzuhara, not the Otaku, not Misato. It had to be the one person that doesn't give a shit about the world unless ordered to!

When the hell did she pay attention?! She's always looking out of the damn window, for God's sake! Was I _that_ freaking obvious?!

This is _so_ _mortifying_! There's no way this situation could possibly get any more embarra-

"Furthermore, I've established that your staring seems to escalate whenever we're wearing our plugsuits, Pilot Sohryu. You appear fascinated with Ikari-kun's behind during those times, as a matter of-"

"ARGH! S-STOP! STOP! T-THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT, SO _JUST STOP IT!_ "

...

As the echoes of my voice rebound off the wooden palisades of the hot spring and lose themselves into the distant landscape, I take a moment to appreciate how thankful I am for the fact that there is only a single person sharing this space with me, even if it's Wondergirl.

Actually, _because_ it's Wondergirl. Knowing her, I'm pretty damn sure that she won't babble about this to anyone unless ordered to do so, and I can't really imagine an event in which such a thing would happen. On the other hand, I _know_ that I wouldn't have lived down this situation for a long time if Hikari had happened to be here. Thank God that she had to take care of her little sister.

...

Even then, I'm so embarrassed that I want to hide under my bed and never come out again. But alas, I can't really do that right now, so burying myself behind my arms will have to do.

"...Very well." Ayanami eventually replies, although her voice sounds a bit different for some reason. "I believe I have the answer I requested."

My meltdown must have spooked her, or something. If so, I'd say that she more than deserved it, the damn inquisitor.

Anyway, a long, drawn-out sigh escapes me when Wondergirl agrees. Had she refused, I think that I would have resorted to far more drastic measures of ensuring her silence, because I'm pretty damn sure that there's very little further exposing I can take without going nuts.

"In any case, you seem to be mistaken as to the intention behind Ikari-kun's request for my company, Pilot Sohryu." Wondergirl surprises me by actually responding to the first question I asked her instead of remaining silent like I expected her to, and I allow a small opening in my fleshy fort from which to peek at her. "He merely required assistance with the gathering of ingredients for dinner, and sought my help on a... certain matter."

Oh, right. Shinji did mention something about a hot pot, I think.

That dinner better be worth it after all of this.

"So you... only talked?" Now that I think about it, the idea of Wondergirl putting the moves on Shinji sounds pretty ridiculous and doomed to failure, knowing the both of them, but... "But then... what about the dress?"

"The dress?"

"Yeah, the dress! That pretty thing that you've never worn until now!" And the one thing that still makes zero sense for Wondergirl to have pulled out of nowhere. "Are you going to tell me that _you_ , of all people, dolled up for no reason at all?"

"I'm unfamiliar with the term you use, Pilot Sohryu, but Ikari-kun had me purchase my new apparel when he deemed my everyday wear unsuitable for our outing today."

"Oh. So he... convinced you to buy it, huh? I... guess he helped, too?"

So Stupid Shinji found himself another girl to help while I was sick at the apartment. That'd make sense, knowing him, especially considering that Misato pretty much forbid him from heading straight home from school just so that he wouldn't spend his entire afternoon mothering me.

"Yes. Ikari-kun's assistance and counsel were both very insightful. They're very comfortable, so I look forward to using my new clothes in the future."

It's actually a big relief to know that Wondergirl didn't get her dress as a way of drawing Shinji's attention, and it's not like you can stop Shinji from being subservient to everyone and everything. With the First being... well, _the First_ , I guess that there was going to be little else in ways for the cookie to crumble, looking at the situation.

Funnily enough, I'm actually not even mad. Except for the fact that it had to be with _her_.

Freaking Casanova, seriously.

...

Heh, I can almost picture him in the store, holding onto a full armful of clothes for Wondergirl and barely managing to hold onto everything as she tries... them... on...

...

...

...Wait, _he did WHAT?!_

I take back not being mad! I'm _so_ going to give a piece of my mind to that two-timing little-!

"Incidentally, we also spoke at great length about you, Pilot Sohryu."

...Aaand there's my heart, suddenly jumping for joy, the many ways in which I was plotting to punish Shinji being abruptly pushed aside equally as quickly.

"Y-You did?" I blink, allowing the words to sink in. And curiously, hearing that such an exchange happened is exactly what I need to come out of cover and recover a semblance of my usual self. "W-Well, I can imagine _your_ side of the conversation considering how much you hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"W-What?"

And there goes my usual self, once again.

"I don't find your company enjoyable during the many times in which you're much too loud, but that doesn't mean I despise you, Second Child." Wondergirl elaborates, and with the way in which she's looking me straight in the eye, I can tell that she's not making that stuff up. "You're an irreplaceable member of our combat unit, and I value you as such."

...

Ayanami... doesn't hate me?

She values me? She values me as an EVA Pilot, even when I've never managed something as simple as a solo kill? Even when she doesn't have Shinji's or Misato's reasons for putting up with me when I'm not the best?

I...

I don't know what to say to that.

...

An awkward silence settles over the hot springs, and I silently thank Fate again for showing mercy and making arrangements not to have Misato around at this moment in time. I know for a fact that she would've had a field day with committing my reactions to memory, or memory _card_.

And, to be completely honest, I'm almost expecting the First to suddenly start laughing her ass off and go 'Gotcha!' or something, at this point. And yeah, I know that's about as likely to happen as Shinji growing some balls, but I honestly wouldn't have put enduring this and the previous lines of conversation with _Wondergirl_ of all people any higher up in my list of possible outcomes... and yet here we are.

No matter how much I _wish_ we weren't.

"Why is that so surprising to you?"

Wondergirl has obviously caught on to my perplexity, and her question has a subtext full of actual curiosity.

I don't get _why_. The reason should be pretty damn obvious, after all.

"Because-" I push out, my voice sounding disgustingly weak to my ears. "Because you said that you didn't want to be friends?"

"Are you referring to your request during our first meeting?" Wondergirl quickly picks up on what I mean, and I, not really trusting myself to do anything else at this point, only nod silently at her question. "I simply found no benefit to such an arrangement, requested for convenience's sake. It would be bereft of purpose."

...

...Wow. Did it... Did it really come across as that? I mean, to be completely honest, it's not like I'd intended it to be a 'best friends forever' thing or anything like that, but when I hear the gist of what I said thrown back at me in Ayanami's usual, clinical way...

The words sound a lot colder, a lot more... callous than I had meant them to. And it's not just due to the hint of steel behind the First's voice.

Yeah, I... guess that, all of her eccentricities aside, it's really no wonder that Wondergirl refused. It's not like I'd have accepted if I'd been in her shoes, after all. What's more, I'd have probably yelled at her for the better part of an hour, just for even proposing such a one-sided thing.

...

What she said does give me something to think about, though. And maybe it's a long shot, but there's no harm in trying, right?

"So... what if it wasn't... you know, 'bereft of purpose'? Would it be... all right, then?" I ask, suddenly feeling very small, and incapable of looking straight at the person in front of me. "I mean... y-you're friends with Shinji, right?"

My words hang in the air, a silence so thick that you could hear a pin drop settling over the hot springs, and I think to myself that I'm getting real good at generating those. I must have a talent for awkwardness, or something.

In any case, the First seems to consider the offer for a few seconds, making me wait with more baited expectations than I'd care to admit. Ultimately, however, she shakes her head, letting out the smallest of sighs.

"That... may not be possible, Second Child."

"Why? Didn't you just say that the only thing stopping you from accepting was a lack of purpose?"

"That was then." Wondergirl replies, her brow creasing in time with her words. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid that recent developments have made it so that any potential future joint activities... would not be as enjoyable as they could have been."

"What... 'developments'?"

"I-"

Ayanami cuts her answer short and looks away, going silent for a few, long seconds and somehow looking like the effect the hot springs were having on her has increased tenfold. Nevertheless, I decide to press her, but I'm about to do so when the First suddenly draws her knees up to her chin and puts her arms around her legs, hiding the lower part of her face from sight.

...

I'm... pretty sure I've never seen her act like this.

...

Wait, is Wondergirl actually feeling _embarrassed_?

"...I don't know why, but I find the idea of you and Ikari-kun spending time together... unpleasant."

"So you _are_ jealous."

The words come out of my mouth without thinking, and sounding a lot more like an accusation than I would've liked. That was... less than ideal.

"...Jealous?" Thankfully, Wondergirl doesn't seem to take it badly. She looks more confused than anything, really. "I see. Am I feeling 'jealous'? Of you?"

"I... guess?"

I obviously would have wanted my answer to sound more convincing but, in my defence, it's not like I was expecting Wondergirl to question me on what should be a fairly simple feeling to name for most people out there. This girl has the weirdest quirks, I tell you.

"So this tightness within my chest is 'jealousy'?" Ayanami repeats, putting a hand over her chest and looking as if she'd just discovered the most fascinating thing ever. "This feeling when I witness Ikari-kun enjoying himself with you? When he speaks fondly of you, as he did before? I think I understand."

"H-He has? Really?"

My brain instantly latches on to the second half of Wondergirl's statement, with the fantasizing section of it quickly getting to work on putting said 'fond speaking' through a million imaginary and... _interesting_ situations.

After all, there's nothing keeping me from using all of my IQ to do something more productive than breezing through physics problems. However, all of my daydreaming comes to a screeching halt when I eventually notice the First looking at me curiously.

...How much time did I spend in my little world, exactly?

"I-I mean, y-yeah, you're feeling jealous, all right." I cough into my hand, both to get myself back on topic and to hide my cheeks as much as possible. "I'd know, since I've felt that way plenty of times, already."

"You have?" Ayanami inquires, her interest growing further for some reason. "Who were you jealous of, Pilot Sohryu?"

...

...Seriously? Does she _really_ need to ask that question? I mean, how many possibilities even _are_ there?

"Of you, obviously."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'? Because of what you just said!" I scoff, still finding it hard to believe that I need to go into this much detail. "I hate to see the idiot getting along with you, smiling and stuff. I hate it when he...when he d-doesn't do it for... y-you know, for m-me."

Following my response, Ayanami just keeps on staring, looking at me as if she were some attorney trying to find the smallest of contradictions in a witness, and while I do my best not to falter under the scrutiny, it's a pretty tall order to pull off, really.

Ultimately, however, Wondergirl breaks off and seems to fall into some deep contemplation.

"Oh."

 _Oh?!_ Why the heck is that so surprising to you, you weirdo?!

"But I don't understand." The First continues, turning back on me for yet another strange demand. "Why would you feel jealous of me, when Ikari-kun has paid attention to you for a considerably larger fraction of his time?"

...

...Well... I guess he has, hasn't he? When you take a step back and look at things, I've... sort of monopolized Shinji's time outside of NERV, what with him and I living together with Misato and all that.

Wondergirl kinda has a point, there. But still...

"I-I don't know, it's not like it's a logical thing! I guess that's just how people are, or something! Stop asking me these weird questions, already!"

"I see."

Unusually, the First's response has a hint of disappointment to it, which only serves to surprise me further when she appears to show a willingness to drop the topic. I mean, no matter how you slice it, it's fairly obvious that Ayanami would have loved to interrogate me further, but she's apparently not inclined to do so at any cost.

And, for that, I'm silently thankful beyond words to her. There's only so much shame I can endure, and Wondergirl's been steadily pushing my limits. It's because of that that I use the welcome reprieve that follows to get myself back in the zone, so to speak.

Because this is not yet over; I feel like there's something more that should be said, a line in the sand that should be drawn. After all, we've established a lot of new things in the last few minutes alone, and (even if a sizable part of me is against the idea) it's just not in my nature to take advantage of a confused foe.

...

Besides, for whatever reason, Ayanami's gone out of her way to try and cheer me up. Granted, I don't even know if it was intentional (because _damn_ if it isn't hard to tell with her, most of the time), but that's beside the point. I'm not one to owe debts, and getting Wondergirl up to speed on where the chips lie looks like a proper way of evening things out.

As such, I finally manage to pull together enough determination to lower the walls of my fleshy fort, sending the First, my rival, the most resolute look I can muster.

"...Just so you know, Wondergirl," I announce, clearly, loudly, and so that no mistake may be made. "I'm not going to lose."

...

"...I don't understand?"

And I'm not sure what sort of response I was expecting out of her, but confusion wasn't high on the list of outcomes. So much for no mistakes.

Goddammit, First, stop taking the wind out of my sails! That was a cool declaration you just ruined, right there!

"W-What don't you get this time?!"

"What exactly are we competing at?"

"We're... We're competing over who's going to take Shinji, obviously!"

Ayanami blinks, clearly _not_ finding it obvious. And I feel my patience start to vanish.

"...Why would I take Ikari-kun? Even if his superior weight didn't make such an action unadvisable, he's perfectly capable of walking by himself."

I'm... I'm _not_ having this conversation right now, am I? Someone pinch me.

"Because you _like_ Shinji!"

"Of course I like Ikari-kun, his company is enjoyable. But that doesn't answer my-"

" _Of course it does!_ _Are you for real?!_ " I roar, loud enough that the First actually recoils back a bit. "God! And here I thought that _no one_ could be even more clueless than he is!"

...

For the umpteenth time today, silence fills the hot springs, and I marvel once more at how _damn good_ I am at pulling those off. It's such a shame that the Angels aren't into debating the fights away, really, because today's _such_ proof that my kill count would've sky-rocketed if they did.

...

Okay, deep breaths, Asuka. You know that Wondergirl's _weird_ , so let's calm down and do this from the top:

"Listen closely here, First: just as I said, you _like_ Shinji. Or, as you'd put it," I pause, before making the best mocking Ayanami impression I can pull off. "You're 'romantically interested in Ikari-kun'."

"I don't-" Wondergirl stops herself, taking a second to rethink what she was going to say. She then slightly narrows her eyes at me. "I don't speak in such a manner."

"Riiight." I respond to her annoyance with a scoff of my own. I think I've more than earned myself that little snipe by now, thank you very much. "And Misato never drinks herself to sleep."

"Hey, I resent that!"

...

...Oh, _hell no!_

"M-Misato?!" My head swings towards the entrance of the springs in the blink of an eye, where Misato is now leaning against the door in her casual wear. "H-How long have you been there?!"

"Hmm... How long have I been here, indeed?" Misato wastes no time in falling into her annoying joker self, much to my chagrin. "I guess I'll let you know. At some point."

"Major Katsuragi has been observing us from a distance for two minutes and fifty seconds, now."

"W-What?!" I turn back towards Ayanami so fast that I feel my neck pop, not even bothering to question the odd precision of her answer in the face of something _far_ more important. "You saw her?! And you didn't say _anything?!_ "

"...Why would I?" Wondergirl shoots back, perplexed. "The Major's presence isn't bothersome."

"...For- For you, maybe."

"Harsh, Asuka. I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, you know?" Misato reassures me, which isn't reassuring _at all_. "I just came to tell you two that dinner's ready, but since it looked like I'd have interrupted something..." Misato trails off meaningfully, her smile becoming wider by the second. "By the way, _am_ _I_ interrupting something?"

Like I'd tell you!

"Of course not! Go awa-"

"Negative, Major. Pilot Sohryu was merely informing me of the nature of my romantic feelings for Ikari-kun."

...

...

This... This isn't happening. This is just a bad dream in which I've had the weirdest of conversations with Ayanami, and it's in _no way whatsoever_ a reality in which said idiotic person just blurted any girl's deepest secret to _Misato Katsuragi_ of all people like it was nothing! And put _me_ in the spot by association!

Therefore, and because such a chain of events is clearly impossible, I'm going to pinch myself. And I'm going to wake up in my bed, and I'm going to grab Shinji, and I'm going to kiss him so hard he'll faint from lack of oxygen, because this ludicrous lucid dream is clearly my brain telling me to stop being stupid and put an end to so much dancing around the issue, already!

And so, here goes.

...

Ow!

That hurt!

...

 _Fuck._

"Is something wrong, Asuka-chan~?"

I don't even need to look at Misato to know where the next twenty-four hours of my life are going to be going.

"...Just kill me."

-]O[-

Bless you, Shinji, because for all of your overall denseness, you make up for it with knowing how to cook one fine compensatory dinner. And while I may have not been able to advance much of anything on your front during the evening due to plenty of... distracting factors, I can at least attest to the blissful happiness of my stomach when bed time arrived.

I haven't really been able to find lasting sleep for reasons outside my control, though, so I thought that a bit of fresh air would do me some good. And so, in the middle of the night, I've made my way to the veranda on the inn's second floor hoping that, all other options failing, I may be able to set up some make-shift thing here and make sure that I don't look sleep deprived tomorrow.

I... have big plans for the morning, after all, and it won't do to mess them up.

"Trouble sleeping?"

...But I didn't expect to meet Misato here. Then again, there was only a single person breathing when I left the room instead of two, now that I think about it.

Guess I wasn't the only one who couldn't fall asleep.

"I'd say." I smile tiredly at Misato, supposing that the culprit for our wandering is one and the same. "Who'd have pegged Wondergirl for a snorer, right?"

"Yeah, that girl doesn't look the part, does she?" Misato smiles back, but it's not long before the meaning behind her expression does a complete one-eighty. "But was it really only Rei that kept you up? You weren't having any _lovely_ dreams during the bits of sleep that you got? I could _swear_ I heard you whisper a few things to yourself..."

"I-I didn't-!"

I catch myself, my tired mind managing to make me stop before I end up playing right into Misato's hands.

After all, she's just teasing, and obviously making stuff up just to get a rise out of me, as usual. And she's pulling it off with zero difficulty lately, too, which just goes to show how out of my game _I_ am, these days. I mean, I wouldn't have swallowed her lines hook, line and sinker and one after another a month ago, that's for sure.

And whose fault is it that Misato is having a field day at my expense, I wonder?

"Stop that, already. Didn't you have enough fun with your innuendos during dinner, Misato?" I sigh, hoping against hope that my exasperation will give pause to this merciless woman. "Because I swear, I'm amazed that Shinji didn't manage to put two and two together with how damn obvious you were being."

"Hey, I wasn't _that_ bad! I'd say the whole thing was pretty subtle, myself."

"Subtle? You made Wondergirl _blush_. I didn't even know she _could_ blush!" I cry out, my mind bringing up the complementary image at the same time, which I'm still finding hard to accept. "Stupid Shinji notwithstanding, if that's not neon-lights-on-your-face obvious, I don't know what is."

"Ehmm... okay. Maybe you do have a bit of a point there." The eyesore scratches the back of her head, maybe feeling just a bit repentant? Nah, I can tell she's still grinning from side to side. "But did you really expect me to pass on an opportunity for double the fun?"

"No, I didn't. That should tell you a lot about the kind of stuff I expect out of you, really."

"Ouch. Someone's feeling awfully touchy lately, isn't she?" Misato responds to my scoff by crossing her arms and turning towards me, giving me one of her playful looks. "Besides, you _can't_ tell me that you didn't find Rei-chan squirming through dinner hilarious, kiddo. We're not that different, you and me."

"Sure, whatever, it was funny." I'll admit _that_ much. "That doesn't turn me into _you_ , though."

"Liar. You can deny it, but you're every bit as terrible as I am. You just need to accept the dark side, is all." I roll my eyes at Misato's hackneyed reference, before bracing myself for more of her crap. "Oh, and bit of advice? You should probably start thinking about stepping up your Shin-chan game, too, what with you _so_ kindly helping Rei sort out her feelings before. That girl has a bit of a one-track mind when she goes about doing most stuff, you know? So since you've put her attention on _that_ little problem she'll probably end up overtaking you if you're not careful~."

"I know, and I'm working on it! I don't need _you_ to tell me about that."

Because I can tell all by myself that I may have awakened a dormant tiger, what with the way in which Ayanami was looking at Shinji in between strikes of the Katsuragi Tease Machine. I didn't expect things to go _quite_ like this when I did it, of course, but it's apparent that I probably made things a fair bit harder on myself by extending Wondergirl a fighting chance.

Not that I'm going to lose. I claimed as much already, after all, and I'm not one to go back on my word.

Besides, the best rewards are those that you need to work hard for, right?

"Good, good! I look forward to the show, then!" Misato makes to turn back towards the vista, but throws me a look out of the corner of her eye before she's fully turned. "But just remember to keep the fireworks to a minimum and don't lose sight of the bigger picture, you hear?"

Pff, as if I needed her to tell me that. Even if my common sense wasn't enough for me to be aware of how important what we're doing is, letting any outside interference get in the way of my piloting was never in the cards to begin with. I've still got to reclaim my proper spot at the head of the team, after all.

Now, when we kick enough Angel ass and they finally get the message not to come back, though... that's another thing, entirely. I'm thinking that Pilots won't need to be available 24/7 once the Angels are gone, so I guess that I'll need to find something to do with my newfound heap of free time.

And I'm sure I can come up with plenty of stuff to do. Especially the kind involving two people.

"So. Did this little trip help you settle down a bit, Asuka?"

Misato's voice takes me out of my future planning and I don't miss the subtle shift in her tone. It's still chipper, but with a hint of depth to it that's usually gone when she's being a clown.

It's Serious Misato time again, it looks like. Is this linked to whatever she wanted to tell me at the hot springs, before Wondergirl showed up?

"...Why do you ask?"

"Well, because I'm your guardian, of course. In theory, anyway." Misato shrugs, surprising me when she sends a self-deprecating smile my way. "But more importantly, because Shinji told me about your episode this week."

"...He did?" I repeat, and then I find myself sighing the moment my brain wraps around the new information. "Of course he did. The idiot."

"Don't be mad at him. He's just worried about you, as any normal person would be."

"...I'm not mad, actually." Misato turns to look at me with fairly apparent surprise, not that I can blame her considering what I just said is a fact I find fairly surprising, myself. "Yeah, I know. That's funny, considering that I'd have ripped him a new one for doing something like that not too long ago."

Misato offers no more than an agreeing grunt in response, and I use the short lull in the conversation to try and identify what is it that I'm _actually_ feeling.

It doesn't take me very long.

"I guess I'm more... _sad_ than anything. Disappointed that Shinji felt the need to go look for help behind my back."

"Oh?" The woman beside me questions in her typical suggestive way, but my ears catch on a distinct something missing from her usual pestering. "And what brought this change, I wonder?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because the idiot has a bit of a silver tongue, when he wants to use it. This little trip has helped put a few things in perspective too, I guess."

"With Rei?" Misato smiles knowingly, effortlessly breaking through my aloof act. "I knew that something important had gone down in those hot springs, what with her acting so strange with me. I didn't know Rei-chan could be so sneaky, really."

"...What do you mean?"

"Eh, it's not important." Misato shrugs dismissively before crossing her arms, a serious expression returning to her face. "What's important is for you to understand that, if there's someone you should feel angry at following this whole thing, that someone should probably be me."

My ears perk up at Misato's returning shift in tone and, while my mind's quickly reviewing our conversation so far, a detail that makes a sudden dread spread all over me comes to the forefront of my thoughts:

When she just said that Shinji told her about everything I said that time, did Misato really mean _everything_? Even all the things I said about...?

...

This could be bad.

"...D-Did Shinji tell you-?"

"What you thought of me? Yeah, he did. With all of the details." Misato confirms my fears, before she quickly puts a hand up to cut off the automatic rebuke that's on my lips. "And before you go about denying anything, Asuka, you should know that you were right."

I find myself blinking at the extended appendage for a second.

That... didn't exactly go as I'd expected it to. I find the unforeseen direction no less acceptable than my initial assumption, though.

"H-Hell no!" My loud protest echoes slightly into the distance, and I decidedly push away Misato's hand. "I said a lot of awful things! Stuff that's not true!"

" _'Stuff that's not true'_?" But Misato merely turns back towards me, with nary a trace of humour on her face. "That's really sweet of you, Asuka, but let's be completely honest here: did I give you any reason to think otherwise? _Any_ whatsoever, in more than three months?

"No, I didn't. I doted on Shinji and left you to your own devices, thinking you strong and mature enough to handle the stress of your position on your own, even when I should've known better." I watch silently as the bitter smile grows on Misato's face a second time, not really knowing how to react to her acting like this. "Or that's what I told myself, anyway. The reality's that I simply couldn't be bothered to deal with you, a girl's that's far more confrontational in her dealings than Shinji is. I just took the easy way out and ignored our shared history, doing little more than keeping you at arm's length. And so, exaggerated or not, it's no wonder that you felt like the circumstances at the apartment weren't what they should have been."

"That's... not right, either," I manage, slowly stepping forward until I'm leaning on the veranda next to her. "...I mean, I should have _tried_ to do something, too, rather than just sitting there and complaining about stuff being unfair. I'm just as guilty here, Misato."

"You're a kid, Asuka, and I'm an adult. Even if some of the things you're saying lately make me wonder about just how correct those labels are." Misato easily shoots down my argument, as confidently as she always sounds when commanding over the battlefield. "You've got enough stuff on your plate as it is, what with dealing with responsibilities that no kid your age should be shouldering, genius or not. You can't be expected to also take on your caretaker's burdens because she's too immature to do it herself."

For all of the steel in her voice, Misato herself looks just about ready to break down.

"No, I messed up on my responsibilities and I should be held accountable for that, that's what being an adult is all about. _'Those with responsibilities need to be responsible'_ , after all. But instead, I horsed around like I always do, and managed to somehow miss all of your cries for help during the last two... weeks..."

Misato's voice trails off, her eyes fixating themselves on a point far in the distance, and she remains quiet for a few moments before she suddenly starts chuckling to herself, a deep and throaty sound that communicates little in the ways of cheer.

"...Heh, but that's not right either, is it? I heard them, all right. I just didn't want to listen." Misato shakes her head in disbelief and leans further forward, covering the upper half of her face beneath her hands. "I've read your file and known you for a long while, after all, so I know all about your issues and their possible ramifications, but it was simply easier for me to sweep everything under the rug, to come up with silly excuses that would downplay and explain your behaviour, rather than be upfront and face the problem directly, like I should have."

More humourless cackling follows, the dark and stinging sound filling every little bit of the space we're occupying and, through it all, I get the distinct feeling that Misato's a hair's breadth away from breaking down crying.

...And I, for my part, am not any closer to figuring out what it is that I should be saying, here. I've... never seen Misato like this, after all. And it's not like I've ever been any good at this kind of stuff, anyway.

Keeping people at arm's length like I do will do that to you, I guess. I'm... not any better than the way Misato's making herself sound, really.

"Man, I've _really_ failed horribly as your guardian, haven't I?" The shadow of the woman beside me continues, unimpeded by my silence. "Seriously, considering that things would've probably gone much, _much_ worse in the near future had it not been for Shinji... well, he had every right in the world to get mad at me and demand that I get my act together."

"W-What? Wait a minute there, Misato." I interrupt her, because I _must_ have heard that wrong, or she _must_ be exaggerating. "Are you telling me that Shinji scolded _you_? THE Shinji Ikari?"

Misato emerges from the cover of her hands and slowly turns towards me, no doubt wondering to herself why _that's_ the bit of her monologue that I've decided to focus on. Nevertheless, there must be a small part of what she just said that Misato herself finds hard to believe because her brow visibly furrows, her mind no doubt going back to the event that she just mentioned.

...

And then she breaks down laughing. A real laugh, this time.

And it may have been entirely unintentional on my part, but it's still nice to see something resembling normal Misato a little bit more.

"Oh yeah, he did. He gave me a hell of a stern talking to, the likes of which I hadn't heard ever since I was a kid, or since Ritz and I entered university, for a closer comparison. For all of his meekness, Shin-chan can be real nasty when he has a point to prove." Misato finds a long enough break in her mirth to send me a _very_ meaningful look. "And the point he wanted to make was a mighty good one. He really does care about you a lot, you know?"

...

I guess he does. I mean, it's _really_ hard to look at all the empirical evidence and claim that the idiot doesn't care, not even _I'm_ willing to go that far, at this point.

...

It's still really embarrassing to hear stuff like that being said through someone else's mouth, though. Thankfully, Misato doesn't appear interested in ribbing the point _too_ hard, right now.

"But I guess what all of this is boiling down to is that Shinji's right, and that... that all of the above is over and done with. I _chose_ to take you two in as my wards and, even if I may have _slightly_ underestimated just how much of a struggle it was all going to be, it's about time I started taking it seriously."

Misato takes a deep breath and lets it out little by little, her composure slowly coming together and reforming back into an unified whole. By the time she speaks once again, Misato's words carry so much weight and conviction that there's no meaning I can infer from them other than thorough honesty.

"That means being there for you when you need it, lending an ear to your worries, and to start seeing you two as people with your own needs, rather than as a way to make myself feel better and further my own personal interests."

"Misato..."

"I'm not perfect, though, far from it. And even at the best of times, the two of us will butt heads and argue more than we speak, _because that's what we do_... but the next time that you feel overwhelmed by EVA, or by lovable idiots that can't get a hint, or simply by... the past, I want you to remember that Big Sis Misato wants to be there for you, Asuka, if you still want her to be."

...

...

"That's-"

...

Okay, I can't hold it in.

"Snrk!" I try one last time, before the need to laugh my ass off overcomes me. "That's too serious for you, Misato! Way, way, _way_ too serious!"

I hear more than see Misato's shock at my reaction, which is a problem, because I can't quite catch just what sort of face she's making. A part of me is slightly worried that she'll be annoyed by how I took her heartfelt confession...

... But the better part of me is much too busy trying to keep me from doubling over in laughter.

"It really is, right?" The amusement in her voice implies she's not taking it badly, though. "Well, there's a reason why I don't do this all that often."

"No kidding, you're terrible at it!" I take a deep breath and successfully manage to get my giggling under control long enough to throw a Misato impression out there. " _'I want you to remember that Big Sis Misato wants to be there for you, if you still want her to be'._ God, it's like Shinji and you are trying to see who can make me cringe the hardest!"

"Okay, now you're just exaggerating. I wasn't _that_ bad."

Misato testily throws an arm around my shoulders in time with her words and pulls me closer to her. I don't fight it, although I can't honestly tell if that's because I don't want to or because my hurting abdomen won't let me.

"I am not! I'm _so_ not doing that! You two are just plain _corny_!"

"Pff, everyone's a critic! You're welcome to try and do better than us whenever, Asuka."

"And you can bet that I will! It's not like you guys are putting the bar particularly high, anyway."

...

You know, being held like this is pretty nice. It's not something that I'd tell Misato in a million years but... it's warm, and relaxing. It doesn't feel half bad, all things considered.

...

Yeah, I think I could seriously get used to this. Especially if Shinji was the one doing the holding.

...

Mmm... That gives me an idea, actually. Although I guess that coming up with the finer points will have to wait a bit.

"But overall corniness aside," I force myself to push out of my fantasies, thinking it's about time I gave Misato a straight answer. "I think... I think I'll still take you up on that offer."

"You will?" At my response, Misato's arm pushes me a bit closer towards her, gratitude clearly resonating within her voice. "Thanks, Asuka."

...And at that, I feel the impish need for one final snipe. You know, just so that Misato's clear on what she's getting herself into.

"...Or part of it, anyway. You're _way_ too old to be my big sister."

"...Don't push your luck, kiddo." The hold on my shoulder tightens for very different reasons, letting me know that darkness lies that way, and that I'd be wiser not to pursue it. "Besides, that's the more reason why I can give _plenty_ of Big Sis advice to you, you know? Like, I don't know..." Misato leans her head forward, far enough to whisper into my ear. "Not plugging your partner's nose when you're kissing someone? It makes the whole thing go through _much_ better~"

"W-W-What?!" I jump out of Misato's grasp, having zero difficulty recalling the events that have plagued my thoughts on more than one occasion. "He told you about _that_ , too?! Oh, I'm _so_ going to _murder_ you, Ikari!"

"And _you_!" I put aside the specifics of Shinji Ikari's permanent leave from life long enough to point a demanding finger at my companion. "You wipe out every little detail from your dirty mind _right the hell_ _now_!"

"Sorry, Asuka-chan, no can do! Big sisters have good memories~!" Misato deflects my order with thinly disguised gusto, her wide smile letting me know without a shadow of a doubt that the revenge of Katsuragi will be brutal, and probably not swift. "I can teach _all_ about improving your technique, though~!"

...

...Well, _that_ backfired horribly.

" _Misato!_ "

-]O[-

Come morning, I'm feeling the full effect of my transgressions the previous night, and in full agreement with whoever was the person who coined the term _'Karma's a bitch'_. I'd even go so far as to put a new spin on the saying, and say that _'Karma's a vengeful, alcoholic, and single bitch very close to her thirties, who singlehandedly managed to floor all of my well-laid morning plans.'_

And I know that it doesn't roll off the tongue quite as nicely as the original, but I'll still take it.

Because seriously, I went through all the effort of dolling myself up as well as I could, I'm in my favourite sundress and I should be trying my best to get Shinji's attention by... looking cute and stuff, but it's pretty damn hard to pull off the charm when my own mouth's sabotaging my efforts every few seconds.

It doesn't help matters that while I'm asleep on my feet, Karma seems to be feeling perfectly fine herself, and more than willing to boast about that fact by cheekily grinning, waving and calling out to me every chance she gets, bringing Shinji's attention to my less-than-ideal state _every single time_.

Damn you, Misato! You're a demon!

...

...No, wait. You're Karma.

...

...You're Demonic Karma?

Sure, let's roll with that. I'm way too tired to argue with myself, anyway. And I don't care that the impromptu pyjama party with Misato was admittedly fun in its own right, I'm still going to get back at her or my name's not Asuka Langley-Sohryu! You may call me Shikinami or something stupid like that.

"You appear exhausted, Second Child," a familiar voice suddenly speaks from behind me, jolting me out of my plans for how to best get revenge on Katsuragi. "Were you unsuccessful at achieving sleep yesterday night?"

And, hey, look who it is. Miss Thundering Sleep herself.

"You bet I was." I turn around to face Wondergirl, the other bane of my slumber, narrowing my eyes at her. "And I wonder whose fault that was?"

I notice with some annoyance that Ayanami's put on that sundress of hers again, too. Guess she wasn't kidding about liking it.

This could complicate matters on the Shinji front.

In any case, Wondergirl seems to take my rhetorical question seriously (on top of not picking up on just who I'm talking about, bafflingly enough), tilting her head to the side in wonder. She then remains like that for several seconds, clearly speculating and discarding answer after response after return, and making _me_ ponder just when she's actually going to speak up again, and what kind of zoo she grow up in to develop her unique brand of social skills.

"...Did Ikari-kun influence your rest, somehow? I believe I heard you whisper his name at some point during-"

And then I promptly wish she'd just stayed quiet.

" _No!_ " I quickly cut her off, while making sure that Shinji didn't catch wind of that. He didn't, _thank God_. "Just- Just forget I said anything, okay?!"

"...Very well."

Ayanami seems fairly obviously disappointed about my strong denial of what she thought a likely answer (which clearly _wasn't,_ because _I_ _don't talk in my sleep_ ), but doesn't push the issue any further. Instead, she walks up beside me, joining me in watching Shinji and Misato put the finishing touches to our means back home.

It shouldn't be too long now, a few minutes tops. Which means that I should probably have a part of my mind start brainstorming ways to block my rival from doing any funny stuff in the near future. That, coupled with coming up with a good retaliatory strike against the Demonic Karma, and thinking on how to achieve an advantage for myself in the Ikari theatre of operations... it's accurate to say that my mind's a hive of activity right now.

It's a good thing I'm so smart, really.

"Anyway, what are you doing here, Wondergirl?"

"What am I doing?" Ayanami returns my question, blinking and looking sort of puzzled. "I'm... keeping you company. After watching your interactions with Class Representative Horaki, I was under the impression that it's something friends do."

"I... guess?" That's one way of putting it. What's so hard about speaking like a normal person, I wonder? "But didn't you say yesterday that we couldn't be friends? Because of, you know..."

I trail off meaningfully, motioning towards Shinji with my head just in case Ayanami needs some extra clarification on the stuff she said yesterday. You can never tell with her, after all.

"Are you referring to our shared romantic feelings for Ikari-mmph!"

And then I clamp my hand on Wondergirl's mouth so quickly that it would make a certain anthropomorphic hedgehog jealous. You can never tell with her, indeed.

" _Not so loud, you idiot!_ "

And I hope that my hiss conveys every single iota of how fed up I'm becoming with Ayanami's sheer lack of a scheming voice. Although, to be fair, I _really_ should've seen that one coming considering her track record.

...

I blame that blunder on most of my brain being busy, right now.

"I am _not_ an idiot."

"Sometimes you _seriously_ make me wonder." I shoot back, unhanding the not-idiot with a tired sigh. Thankfully, Shinji was at the other side of the car at the time, so he didn't hear or see anything. Again."In any case, yeah, I'm talking about that. What happened to it?"

"I thought better of my reservations throughout the night, Pilot Sohryu." Ayanami responds while taking a moment to realign her sunhat, which has gone _just slightly_ off-centre in our minor scuffle. "I would be willing to befriend you, in the hopes that it will improve both our cohesion during combat and the chances of achieving a satisfactory outcome for everyone involved."

Well, that's one weird way of saying that the pillow won the midnight debate. Then again, Wondergirl.

"Okaayy..." No reason to disagree, really. "I... guess we can do that."

"I'm glad to hear that."

...

...Did Wondergirl just smile?

Nah, no way. I must've imagined it. Better focus on something else before you start seeing flying pink elephants, Asuka.

And speaking of...

"By the way, if we're going to try and be friends from now on, you should probably just call me Asuka." I cough into my hand, trying to push past the fact that I'm feeling slightly uneasy. "I'll... try and cut it out with the nicknames too. Can I... call you Rei?"

"That's acceptable."

"Great!" Her quick response makes me feel more relieved than I'd care to admit. "Although a simple 'Yes' would've done it too, you know?"

"Does that mean that you two are finished with your heart to heart, now?"

"GAH!" I quickly round on the unexpected intruder, throwing her a look that says exactly what I think of her childish scares. " _Misato! Don't do that!_ "

"Sorry, sorry, too hard to resist." Misato backs off slightly with a smile that's anything but repentant. "But can you blame me, kiddo? You always give me the best reactions."

Of course I can blame you, and in fact _I do_!

"In any case, we're ready to go and Tokyo-3 is a ways away, so what say you we get moving? I'd like to get there before lunchtime, myself."

Misato completely ignores my evil eye and turns to smile at Rei, motioning with her head towards me.

"Care to be my co-pilot, Rei-chan? I think Asuka and Shinji could use some shut-eye in the backseat, and I'd like to have someone give me conversation while I drive."

Pff. Yeah, because Rei's the perfect person to ask to hold a conversation, Misato. I appreciate the whole sleep thing, but I hope you're ready to...

...

...Wait, Misato knows about Ayanami already. Is she asking _her_ on purpose?

...Is she trying to help _me_?

"It would be no problem, Major," Rei agrees pretty much automatically, as expected. "However, there should be plenty of time to make our way back to Tokyo-3 before midday, so, in return, I'd ask that you exercise restraint in your driving."

The bit I actually find surprising is the hint of steel in Rei's voice, and that I managed to notice it. This little thing, coupled with the range of slight but meaningful inflection deviations that she showed yesterday at the hot springs... I'm starting to think that, for all of her weirdness, calling Rei emotionless was _way_ off the mark.

And right now, that fact hasn't been lost on Misato, either.

"R-Restraint?"

"Indeed. There's hardly any need for violent manoeuvres with the timeframe available to us." For a moment, I believe I notice Rei's eyes flicker towards me. "Furthermore, I believe it'll have a positive impact on the quality of Ikari-kun and... Asuka's rest."

Almost as soon as Rei hesitantly finishes her statement, my eyes completely forget about Misato and jump towards my new friend. The reason why should be clear, I think, because while I know that I was the one that asked her to start calling me by my name, I _really_ wasn't actually thinking she'd start doing it so quickly. I mean, the Japanese are anything if not insanely proper, and with the sheer amount of time it took me to coax Shinji into not adding that annoying _'-san'_ to my name...

I don't know, it's... _weird_ , for Rei of all people to start calling me just by my name so quickly. But not in a bad way.

I wonder just how many more surprises this quirky girl has in store for me.

Once she manages to get over her own shock (quite a bit later than me, mind you), Misato's eyes dart towards me, a plea for help against the blue-haired menace that would inhibit her reckless driving all but written on her expression.

And I, for my part, happen to find the timeless architecture of the inn remarkably interesting.

"...O-Okay then," Misato gives up after a few seconds of desperate begging, cutting her losses when she realises no aid is going to come. "I'll make sure to take the corners as smoothly as po-"

"I'd also request that you comply with the speed limits, Major."

" _WHAT?!_ But- But-" Misato blurts loudly, any remaining semblance of control all but leaving her. "But then _I'll_ be the one falling asleep!"

"Don't worry, Major. I'll strive to ensure that doesn't happen, as will be my purpose."

...

Man, Rei's merciless! Not that I didn't know she could be pretty terrifying when she wanted to, already, but mobbing Misato like that's no easy feat. Guess she was as annoyed with the result of the first trip as the rest of us, even if she didn't show it. Hat's off to her, anyway.

Misato, on her side of things, is looking pretty miserable, trying to come up with some last ditch effort to salvage some creative liberties in her driving but coming up with an obvious blank. As she starts heading towards her relic of a car with Rei in tow, defeated and humiliated, Misato throws me one last look that pretty much spells ' _You better make this one be worth the price, or else_ '. An empty threat that I have no trouble ignoring, because I'm just _so_ satisfied with seeing Karma finally finding its way to my self-styled Big Sis, even if it's by the hand of Ayanami, of all people.

Maybe today's not looking like such a bad day, after all. The only thing that's missing is my presence of mind to pull off that Shinji Ikari Capture Plan I had thought of, but...

...

Wait a moment... Shinji's... He's looking at me.

...

 _He's looking at me!_ _Shit_ , I've got to do something! But what should I-?

...

Wait. Stop that, Asuka. It's just _Shinji_ , for crying out loud! And considering everything else you saw yesterday, this really shouldn't rattle you enough that you can't think things through.

So just... take conscious hold of that hand before it ends up repeating the moronic actions of yesterday morning, and take a second to draw a deep breath and collect your thoughts.

...

You can't afford to waste any more time, Asuka, not after helping Ayanami come to terms with her own feelings, and you can't allow this golden opening Misato's allowed you (at a well-deserved price for herself) to go to waste, either.

Hell, you can pull ahead of the race and even win before it actually starts if you just play your cards right, so _no more hesitating_. Because despite the excuses of your rapidly beating heart this _can't_ be worse than stopping a meteor Angel with your bare hands, you silly girl.

We're doing this. Today.

No excuses and no regrets allowed.

My mind made up, I follow Shinji into the car, making sure to let my frown relax into the most pleasant expression I can pull off so as to avoid spooking him. After all, I fluster him enough when I belt myself to the middle seat in the back, instead of taking what would be the more common option for Misato's ancient Renault.

Therefore, the first part of my unscripted plan when the car starts to roll is to lure Shinji into a false sense of security by chatting about nothing and everything, but keeping his attention on _me_ all the way. I keep it up for a while, fighting the exhaustion that presses on my eyelids until I'm sure that Shinji will give up sooner than me (he must have run himself ragged yesterday to be so tired, or something), and then, when he's finally about ready to doze off, I strike:

In a single instant and before I have time to sabotage myself, I close my eyes and rest my head on Shinji's shoulder.

He jolts awake and goes stiff almost instantly, to my slight disappointment. Then again, I guess expecting Shinji Ikari to smoothly roll with things and... hold me and stuff was a bit on the unrealistic side, in spite of the Casanova joke. I can still work with this, though.

"A-Asuka...?"

"...There's no headrest on this part of the car and I'm... kinda tired." I justify myself, having some real trouble with making out my own whispers over the commotion coming from my chest. "...Does it bother you?"

I feel Shinji moving his head around from me to the front of the car, no doubt checking whether Misato or Rei are paying us any mind. Which doesn't seem to be the case, judging from the way in which Shinji's body relaxes just the slightest little bit.

"N-No."

"...Good." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and smile to myself at his admission, using that excuse to make myself even more comfortable (and Shinji less so) by scooting closer to him. "I want to do stuff later today, and I can't be tired for it."

"P-P-Plans f-for the afternoon?"

"Yeah, you'll find out what later."

I pause for a bit and take a deep breath, in preparation for the final leg of the race. This is it, Asuka, let's knock this one out of the park.

"B-Because I want you to come with me."

Shinji's head swivels towards mine at once, and I notice his breathing quicken against my hair. I guess not even the densest of rocks can fail to understand where I'm going with this.

"I've been thinking that I want to get some new clothes, and I... might as well help _you_ buy something a bit more interesting than your everyday outfit while I'm at it. We all know you could use it." I shut my eyes tightly and brace myself for the question of the century. "If... If you want to come with me, of course."

As my stuttered statement hangs in the air, awaiting Shinji's answer, I reckon that my face looks about as red as my plugsuit. Still, and despite how sheer embarrassing this all is, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. Having the dangerously warm and comfortable feeling of Shinji pressed against my side is... _very_ enjoyable, in a way that Misato's embrace from yesterday night really doesn't compare to.

This feeling's something I could look forward to, I think, if only he'll say 'yes'. I realise that, in hindsight, my flirting over the past few weeks has probably been crap, and that I've been... very unfair to him in the past, but I _know_ I can do better than that. I know I _will_ do better than that.

...

...So _please_ don't say no.

...

 _...Don't say no, don't say no, don't say no..._

"...Okay."

 _YES!_

My nervousness abates almost immediately, and a _wonderful_ sensation that spreads to every little part of my body quickly takes its place, a feeling that's similar to what I felt when Shinji and I had our... _moment_ a few days ago, but that still somehow manages to be _so much more_ at the same time. It's hard to put into words, what with the feeling coursing through me being uplifting, exciting and intimidating all at once but, what I _do_ know, is that it's one of the best sensations I've felt in a long time. So good, in fact, that before I can take full notice of my actions, my head has shot up and I've planted a kiss on Shinji's cheek.

...

For the longest time neither of us says anything, the sound of the car's engine and the slightly less one-sided conversation ahead struggling to fill the void my impulsiveness has created. I find myself mesmerized by Shinji's eyes, and engrossed with watching at great length just how beet red his normally pale features can become.

That's not to say that a sizable part of me doesn't want to partake in a healthy round of self-kicking for my impetus... but, hey, Shinji hasn't pulled away from me!

That can't be a bad sign. I think.

"Y-You can lean on me too, i-if you want." I eventually manage, hiding my face in its previous position but still feeling bolder for some reason I can't name. "I don't want you to be tired in the afternoon, and having your neck ache from those crappy headrests won't do, either."

I feel Shinji shift around a little bit at my words, probably debating on whether it's actually safe to do as I say, or if I'm going to bite his head off the moment his hair brushes against mine. He hesitates, once, twice, and thrice, and it's not until I push myself even further against his side that Shinji finally understands that yes, it _is_ alright for him to take my invitation.

And I'm so glad when he puts his head against mine, and we ultimately relax against each other, because the sheer warmth that invades me and the contact against my skin feels _right_ , and it fills me with the security that, no matter what the world throws at me, I can take it, and...

...

...And it reminds of days long past, almost forgotten, when Mama would also hold me sort of like this. When we would read or watch TV under a protective blanket, the fabric and Mama's body warming me up against the far colder climate of the German winter, and lulling me to sleep...

Just like Shinji's doing now.

Heh. This is so much better than having him hold my hand.

I can feel through his rhythmic breathing that Shinji has already succumbed to slumber, and I can tell, despite my heart's pleas to fight exhaustion and bask in the feeling for _just a bit longer_ , that I'm not far behind. Before my eyes close up fully and I fall asleep, however, I barely make out Rei watching the both of us intently through the rear-view mirror.

This time, I'm sure she's smiling.

* * *

 **A/N: And there it is. For all of those wondering, yeah, the original plan for this chapter involved it being much more similar in tone to the first than it ended up becoming. The end result was still going to be pretty much the same (although probably not as WAFF ridden), but Rei Ayanami sort of threw a spanner in the works when her part in the story came around, and had Asuka reaching her last conversation with Misato in pretty high spirits, rather than frustrated and more than a bit angry with herself, like she was initially supposed to.**

 **The other explanation for such blatant derail of the original draft is that I simply suck at drama. Both are equally valid, really. :)**

 **As always, a million thanks to my Betas for making sure my stuff can be properly read, and just as many thanks to all the fine people who take a minute of their time to share their thoughts on my work. Such generosity is always appreciated.**

 **I'll see you in the Epilogue.**


	3. Epilogue

I quietly watch Shinji as he hammers in another nail, before automatically moving to the next. The scaffolding is coming along quite nicely, and I expect that the workers will be able to begin repairing the front of the town's newest building before the day's out. Honestly, though, progress is painstakingly slow, what with proper tools and equipment in good condition being hard to come by. But still, we persevere.

Or rather, _they_ persevere. Because _I_ can't do much physical work until my arm heals, at the very least, which is why I'm sitting aside and out of the sun in the first place, just like I've been for the last couple of months.

Needless to say, the development of our little township has been on the dull side of things for me. Not that I envy the people labouring under the sweltering sun right now, mind you, but I'd still prefer to be able to do _something_ more active than tutoring the clueless on how things should be built or used, or going on some light scavenging missions where I'm rarely allowed to do much of anything, anyway.

Because I might break from a little pain, you know? As if I hadn't endured more pain than most people would even be able to _imagine_ throughout my former career, especially towards the end. It's so freaking ridiculous to be treated like fine china, I tell you.

I know my usual scavenging partners mean well, though, which is why I've kept my complaints to myself. Although that's resulted in me being bored out of my skull by now.

Then again, no one ever said rebuilding civilization after Third Impact was going to be easy or exciting, even if the hand we've been dealt isn't nearly as terrible as it could have been. I mean, the buildings being in a good enough state that they can be lived in with minimal work and the infrastructure not being so far gone that we don't have running water in most places is a big deal, after all. Hell, we even have the occasional working electrical outlet within the houses we're restoring, which means that fridges and other critical stuff are a thing!

Having none of the above would have _definitely_ been a royal pain to deal with, I can tell that much. Chances are our community would have needed to be far more agrarian than we already are, and I honestly can't see myself living the farmer's life. It's true that humans can adapt to all sorts of weird stuff, though (you only need to look at the few of us here today, really), so maybe I'm selling myself a bit short in that respect.

But long story short, our starting position as a small town is pretty solid, all things considered. I'd give it an eight out of ten, and I only hope that the rate at which our manpower comes in will end up increasing exponentially or something, because I'm going to be an old lady by the time I can enjoy some of the luxuries we used to have, otherwise.

...

...And speaking of manpower, I wonder if Misato will ever come out. I also wonder about Hikari and the other two stooges, of course, but the question for them is more along the lines of 'when', rather than 'if'.

The same doesn't hold true for Misato and I... kinda miss her, honestly. The small flat Shinji and I have claimed goes uncomfortably silent sometimes, and I can only liven things up so much by myself.

The better part of me doesn't put a lot of hope on my self-proclaimed Big Sis coming out of the LCL sea any time soon, though. If whatever fantasy world she's living on is as ideal as it should be, I can't see Misato letting go of Kaji a second time, even if he's not the real thing. Especially since there's no chance the man I used to crush on _hard_ will walk among the living again, and...

...

...Don't go down that path, Asuka; happy thoughts. Focus on those happy thoughts.

...

...In any case, I think it will do all of us good to see some more familiar faces around in the short term. Especially Shinji, since he's been on the mopey side ever since the world went kaput.

It's really no wonder why he's like that, though, even if it's not his fault. The way some people have been on his case doesn't help matters, either, although most of them realise they're not being fair before too long. A few of them have even apologised to him, although the damage had been done by then.

My eyes fall back on the workers, following some of the worst offenders as they move wood, cement and other materials to the work site. A few of them notice me staring, but are quick to drop their gaze to the ground or to act as if our eyes had never met. They obviously remember the verbal thrashing this fourteen year old girl had them endure.

Each and every one of them.

Bah, good riddance. My actions definitely didn't do much for my popularity in town, but I still would repeat them in a heartbeat, if the need arises.

 _No one_ harasses my Shinji without consequence. Not on my watch.

Still, and as my eyes change target and move to focus on my... boyfriend, I can say that it's clear as day that Shinji's not really _there_. His limbs and actions are, and he's working with an efficiency men twice his size would envy, but his mind's somewhere far, far away. It's obvious to anyone that pays him just the slightest bit of attention, really.

Where his thoughts are, I can't say with one hundred percent certainty (much to my growing frustration), but I can definitely attest that Shinji's line of thinking isn't following the many positives of our current situation.

...

...Sigh.

...Idiot. What the hell's going through that head of yours?

"That boyfriend of yours sure is a hard worker, isn't he?"

"Mm?" I turn towards the voice that snaps me out of my thoughts, and find a girl my age walking towards me with a grin. "Oh, hey, Makinami."

Mari Makinami, one of the few dozen of Returned that make up our little township in the area, and, according to her, a former resident of that town in the boonies Misato drove us to so many months ago (or is it years ago, now? I guess it doesn't really matter).

I suppose you could say that we're friends, or that's what Makinami would claim, anyway, since she's been glued to me ever since she came out of the sea, for some reason. Which is to say, she's made sure to fill the quota of daily annoyances for my daily life here in our small community, making good use of her abilities for being a major pain in the ass.

Honestly (and speaking of Majors), she's kinda like Misato, in a way, with all of my self-proclaimed Big Sis' annoying qualities in a younger package. Maybe that's why I've tolerated her for this long.

...

Besides, I sort of promised Mama that I'd try to be a bit more open with people from now on. Makinami makes for a good practice partner in that regard in the few moments when she's not being irritating.

"Hey, yourself," my new companion greets back, taking a seat beside me. "How's your day going?"

"Hot." I motion to the scorching sun above to illustrate my point. You'd think all that weird metaphysical stuff we went through would do something about this damned heat, but _noo_... "What are you doing here, anyway? Weren't you on transport duty today?"

Makinami just shrugs casually and shows me an energy bar, complete with its wrapping. One of the many that can be found in the town's food stockpile.

"Yeah, but the truck had a bit of a breakdown and those in the know are getting to fixing it, so I thought to myself: 'Hey, now's a good time for a mid-morning snack!'. And since I saw you here, looking kinda _loouunliee_..." Makinami's voice trails off, in that childish way I find _so damn bothersome_. She snaps out of it quickly enough, though, throwing a meaningful look at my bandaged arm. "Is the arm feeling any better?"

"I guess." I support my answer by flexing the fingers of my right hand open and closed a few times. It stings a little, but nowhere near as much as it did when Shinji and I first came out of the sea. "I can grab light things with my hand now, but it's still... less than ideal."

"It'll get better, don't worry about it." Makinami reminds me of why she's considered one of the most optimistic people in our small community by throwing a wide smile my way, as she works to unwrap her mid-morning snack. "Besides, it's not like you're not doing your share of the work!"

"Yeah, I try not to think too hard about it. It's pretty hard to feel useless when people need your help to figure out how a simple water pump's supposed to be built, anyway."

We lapse into a comfortable silence after that, with Makinami greedily munching on her snack and me watching Shinji and the other workers toil on repairing and refurbishing the town's next building.

And looking at them and their rivers of sweat, even when working in short shifts, I continue to be ever thankful for the fact that I've got a nice spot of shade for myself.

...

...I'm pretty sure that I haven't seen Shinji take a breather in a while, though, now that I-

"Hey, Bonny-"

" _Don't call me that._ "

"Why not?" Makinami takes my interruption in stride, not even blinking at the danger behind my words. "You even have the eye patch, and everything!"

"Because I can make damn sure that they _never_ find your body, that's why."

Makinami casually looks at me through the corner of her eye for a moment, clearly gauging just how serious I am with following on my threat. Soon enough, she deems her latest joke not worth the risk of severe bodily harm.

Smart girl.

"...You're no fun." She sighs dramatically, exactly in the same way Misato would have. "In any case, can I ask you something?"

I shake myself of my reminiscing quickly enough to answer.

"So long as it's not more of your usual bullshit, sure. Shoot."

Makinami goes silent for a few seconds, no doubt thinking about how to best put to words whatever it is that she wants to say. Which considering her habit of just blurting whatever's in her mind like, ninety-nine percent of the time, already tells me that this is probably _not_ more of her usual bullshit.

"...You still remember what it was like?" Makinami eventually asks, motioning with her head in the general direction of the sea of LCL. "You know, in there?"

...Huh. So that's where this conversation's going to be going, eh?

All right, then. I haven't really spoken about that with anyone except Shinji, so far. Maybe it will do me some good to share the more normal experiences with someone else.

"Yeah, I do."

"Do you remember your dream, then?"

"It wasn't a dream."

"Eh, it felt like one, so I'd say it's close enough." Makinami brushes off my correction in her usual, carefree way. "In any case, do you remember yours?"

"Sure, I do. But what's it to you?"

"Nothing, really, just curious." She admits with a shrug and her ever-present smile. "I mean, I've been asking the folks around here, and some of them had some pretty cool dreams going for them. Like spaceships flying through the galaxy and stuff; my dream of travelling the whole wide world was pretty tame in comparison, but I guess that that's what you get for being a girl who's never really left the village she grew up in all her life. It got pretty boring by the end, though, which is probably why that Ayanami girl had so little trouble with getting me to leave." Makinami then turns towards me, her grin becoming wider and quite a bit silly. "I guess I'm especially curious about yours because, you know, if random city people were dreaming about _spaceships_ , the dream of a famous EVA Pilot must've really been something else!"

...Exciting, huh? Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on her face.

"It really wasn't."

"Huh?"

Man, you can really tell the disappointment in her voice. Oh well, it's her own fault for jumping to conclusions.

"My dream world, as you call it. It wasn't anything extraordinary. Quite the opposite, really." I elaborate leisurely, taking a bit of pleasure in seeing Makinami's grin slowly morph into a pout. "It was just a normal life, in a normal city, with normal friends. No giant robots, or monsters, or ancient conspiracies and stuff. My... My mother was around, too."

"What?! Oh, man. Talk about boooring." My companion grunts in obvious disapproval, before she tries to work out her letdown by taking a bite out of food. "I guess when you've had all that excitement in your life, ideal dream worlds bring you full circle, or something."

"Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint. It was still nice, though. I honestly don't think I'd have left if Ayanami hadn't reminded me of a few... important things," I quickly charge past my brief hesitation, giving my self-proclaimed friend no chance to question me on the nature of said 'things'."It was a good life, even if it felt like a bit of a slapstick comedy at times, especially with everything involving Shinji and _her_."

Makinami instantly picks up on my annoyance at the end of my words, perking back up to her usual cheery self and rounding on me in the blink of an eye.

"Oooh~! Is that a love triangle? That sounds _a lot_ like a love triangle! Maybe your dream wasn't so boring, after all!" Makinami questions/demands in quick succession, now completely back into what I've taken to calling her 'sugar-high mode'. "'Cause you're still talking about the Ayanami girl, aren't you? Or a proxy, or something. She left _a lot_ of pining hearts in her wake when you guys left town, you know?"

And it's _my_ turn now to hang on to Makinami's last words, my mind quickly travelling back to my debacle with Rei on that particular day, and to the many others that followed the weirdo's late blooming into society. Those were... _fun_.

And I'd go into more detail on just _how_ fun, but I think my instinctive facepalm speaks for itself.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

Makinami breaks down laughing at my response, proceeding to milk it for everything that it's worth. This includes jokes, theories and stories made-up on the spot that are more than a bit embarrassing, even with full knowledge that they couldn't be any less true.

How this girl can say all that stuff with a straight face is beyond me. She really is _a lot_ like Misato.

It makes for some good fun, though. Especially some of the more ridiculous scenarios, like the one where Makinami pretty much inserted herself as another EVA Pilot, going into a lot of detail about how her EVA would have drills, and roll on giant wheels instead of standing on two feet, and a lot more silly and impractical stuff. And that's without going into how she was describing her piloting manoeuvres, very flashy and more in line with one of those old Mecha anime than anything we actual EVA Pilots could do.

Heh. For how damn irritating Makinami can be, she's got one hell of an imagination, I'll give her that.

Which is why my ears perk up at her cutting off the latest story mid-sentence.

"...Hey, Asuka." Makinami shakes my shoulder to get my attention, before motioning with her hand to the working site. "Isn't your boyfriend looking a bit wobbly on his feet?"

"Eh?"

It takes me a second to fully digest Makinami's words, her quick shift into seriousness having caught me flat-footed, but the sound of building materials crashing against the ground snaps my eyes in the same direction she's looking just as swiftly...

...right on cue to watch Shinji stagger for a few steps, and then meet the ground face first.

" _Shinji!_ "

-]O[-

"Damn, Ikari! You're _a lot_ heavier than you look!"

Those are the first words that I hear, coming from the mouth of a person that I can't identify right now. I'm sure that I know the owner of the voice, but I... I can't concentrate, for some reason. Whoever it is, though, she's carrying me. And having some real trouble doing so.

My head's swimming, and I can barely move a finger. My body feels really, really hot, too. What's going on?

I hear the click of a lock opening and hurried footsteps moving ahead of me and my helper. Several clanking sounds follow all over the place, the sounds of stuff being moved from one place to another without much of a care for their state, and I think... I think I catch a few German swear words here and there.

That must be Asuka, then. She sounds... troubled.

My helper quickly enters the room, braving the possibility of Asuka smacking into us both, and plops me down on a seat as carefully as she can. She then takes a deep breath and makes me lay down on my back.

During the brief moment that I manage to open my eyes, I identify a familiar ceiling. The place that I'm laying on feels familiar, too. I recognize the touch, anyway. I think it's...

Yeah, this is the couch. Which means that I'm back at the apartment.

...What happened, though? Wasn't I just working...?

Thin fingers suddenly press against my forehead, jolting me out of my train of thought. They feel ice-cold against my skin.

"Woah! He's burning up, Asuka!"

"Yeah, I expected as much." Asuka calls back, continuing to frantically move up and down the room. "Don't worry, though, I'll handle it from here."

"...You sure? I don't mind helping, you know?"

"It's fine, I can take care of this much on my own. But thanks for the help, anyway. "

The background cacophony of strides and slams comes to a stop with Asuka's words, to the rejoicing of my pulsing head. She must have found whatever it was that she was looking for.

"It's all right. Okay! You take care of your man and I'll find someone who can cover for you guys!" the third person with us replies cheerfully as she pulls back her fingers, and I make out what I think is the sound of her popping her neck. "My only price will be some details~!"

"Just go away, will you?"

"Fine, fine, I can tell when I'm not wanted... Just don't hurt him _too_ hard, all right?" The stranger I can't quite place puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it an encouraging squeeze. "I'll see you around! Get well soon, Ikari-kun!"

And just like that, mystery girl's gone like the wind, flinging the door shut and running down the building's stairwell with reckless abandon. Or what sounds very much like reckless abandon, anyway.

Asuka appears to agree with me, too, because she starts to mutter _'verrücktes Mädel'_ this and _'irre Tussi'_ that under her breath, and while German is honestly pretty bad, I can still translate that she's calling someone a crazy girl.

Despite her tone I can tell that she's not really mad, though. Although I _am_ surprised that I can still pick up on Asuka's tells and the bits of German even when feeling terrible. All that training over the last few months must have really paid off.

"Hey, look who's back with us. Did you have a nice nap, Shinji?"

I force my eyes open long enough to see Asuka standing by my side, arms crossed, before the pain in my head makes me close them again.

I guess I should ask her about that other girl that was with us. Knowing what happened would be nice, too.

"...Asuka?" I begin, finding it pretty hard to speak my thoughts. "Who...?"

"That was Makinami. She's the one that brought you here." Asuka cuts me off, and I hear her lean closer and unfurl her arms, setting alarm bells off in my head. "But more importantly..."

Warnings that arrive much too late, because a new pain blossoms in my head to join the one I already had.

"OW!" My eyes snap open and I swiftly bring a hand to the spot of hair Asuka's just hit. "What was that for?!"

"That was for being your usual idiotic self!" Asuka retaliates, roaring her answer straight on my face. "Do you have _any_ idea of the scare you just gave me?!"

"I... I'm sorry?"

Despite my continued attempts over the months at cutting down on what Asuka dubs 'my answer to everything', old habits prevail this time and an apology comes out pretty much automatically. In my defence, though, Asuka looks _angry_ like I haven't seen her in a long time, and I don't really know what to make of it.

"You better be, you big jerk! What the hell were you thinking, working yourself to the bone like that?!"

In the face of Asuka's furious tirade, I instinctively make myself as small as possible against the back of the couch. Not that doing that helps me much, since Asuka's quick to close the distance and put us back into our former position. The only thing I've succeeded at is making myself more uncomfortable.

Not that I'm paying much attention to that detail, honestly. I'm far more focused on watching Asuka's hands to try and figure out where the next strike's going to hit.

But, to my shock, no follow-up attack comes after the slap to the top of my head. Wondering as to why, I shift my attention back to Asuka's face, who's still very much seething.

But then I notice, among other things, that her visible eye is slightly wet and reddish.

And then it clicks.

Asuka's not _angry_ at me, she's _worried_ about me. Granted, making that distinction with Asuka is oftentimes difficult since she tackles both issues in pretty much the same way, but the difference is important.

After all, that difference lets me know that I'm completely at fault here, for one.

...

...Good going, Shinji. There you go, making Asuka worry as if she didn't have enough to worry about, already.

"I... I'm sorry."

I notice Asuka's eyebrow twitch at my answer and realise a moment too late that 'I'm sorry' might have been the wrong thing to say right now, although I can't really think of anything _else_ I could have said in this situation; I mean, it's clear that I've upset her. A lot. How am I _not_ going to apologize?

Thankfully, Asuka understands soon enough that my apology wasn't automatic, her features going down in intensity from furious to merely irritated. She still spends a few seconds boring holes into me, though, probably considering whether she should accept the apology but still double down on the intense messaging until she's completely sure that I'm clear on all accounts.

"As long as you get it." Asuka finally breathes out, falling back to the edge of the couch and allowing me some breathing room. "...I should have made you stop, anyway. By force, if necessary."

I feel a cold sweat run down my back at the words 'by' and 'force' coming out of Asuka's mouth in quick succession, but that feeling is quickly overshadowed by concern when I see just how much her face has darkened.

...

She's... blaming herself for things again, isn't she?

...

Dammit, Shinji, this is all your fault. Why do I always do this?

"That's- There's no need for that, Asuka."

"Really? Could've fooled me," the piercing glance that Asuka throws my way does more than make me flinch. "You can bet we're going to be talking about this, Ikari."

...

Well, so much for evading the hook. That doesn't sound foreboding at all.

I fully deserve whatever happens, though.

"But first, we should get to work on fixing you up." Asuka continues, putting a hand to my forehead. "How does it hurt? You feeling hot?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Thought so, good thing I found a small water bag for your forehead. Does your head hurt, and does it feel like the house won't stay put for a damn second?"

I blink at Asuka's words, realising with some surprise that I'm not hurting all over like I was a few minutes before, for some reason. But then, as if becoming aware of the lack of pain had flipped some sort of switch within my body, the aforementioned aches come back with a vengeance.

I guess that fearing for my life had given me a bit of a breather, but that I'm fair game again now that the direct danger has passed. My headache seems especially happy to be back, returning with sharp and intense stings that feel just like someone trying to drill straight through the top of my skull.

...

...Kinda like the first time I piloted Unit-01. I remember feeling a sharp pain in my head at some point during the fight that was very similar to this, only ten or twenty times worse.

Despite the lower scale, though, this is still _very_ painful. Enough that I've got no choice but to limit myself to gritting my teeth and nodding my head at Asuka's question.

"I see." Asuka shifts her hand around to tenderly scratch at my scalp, her voice becoming softer, more caring, as she does. "Well, that settles it."

And as a result of her touch, of her wordless delivery of 'everything will be all right', my massive headache becomes more manageable. I open my eyes to look at Asuka's own and, while it still hurts _a lot_ , it's as if merely staring at her blue eye, at her fiery hair, at... at all the little things that make Asuka, _Asuka_ , is enough to make me feel like I've just drunk the most effective medicine in the world.

...

God, even after everything that's happened, she's still so pretty. And smart, and funny and...

...

And I keep letting her down time and time-

"He _llo_? Earth to Shinji?" Asuka waves her hand in front of my face, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You there?"

"E-Eh? W-What?"

I've... obviously missed something, and then immediately exposed myself by utterly failing to roll with the punches. Asuka narrows her eyes at me, clearly annoyed about not being listened to.

"I _asked_ you if you're feeling up for eating something." Asuka repeats herself, poking me lightly in the forehead. "But you answered me by pulling off a zombie impression."

"I- Sorry, Asuka. I... sort of got distracted."

"Distracted?" she echoes, looking quizzically around the barebones flat around us. "By what?"

"...Stuff."

And I make sure to look anywhere but in her general direction. Because if Asuka finds out that the answer is 'by you', I'm not going to live it down in what's left of the day, _especially_ since I can't exactly put any distance between us, right now.

Thankfully for me, Asuka shrugs and drops the topic soon enough.

"Whatever, it's fine. I remember it being hard for me to focus, too. So, ironic situations aside, what's it going to be: food, or no food?"

I consider the question for the two seconds it takes my stomach to rumble a little bit. I don't know if it's a good idea, but...

"I think I can stomach something." I respond, propping myself onto my elbows. "I'll get to work on-"

"What?! Oh, hell no!"

And not a moment later, I find myself being forced on my back once again by an irate Asuka.

"H-Huh?!" My protest takes a moment to come out, since my muddled mind doesn't take kindly to sudden shifts in inclination. "Asuka? What are you...?"

"What am I doing?!" An opening that Asuka's more than happy to take advantage of. "Never mind _me_ , what do _you_ think you're doing, you idiot?!"

"...Eh?"

"Don't 'Eh' me like I'm speaking nonsense, Third!" Asuka emphasizes her point by poking my chest with her finger, like she always does when she doesn't want any arguments being thrown back at her. " _You_ have a heatstroke, so don't even _think_ about doing anything other than staying put!"

"But-"

"And no buts! You've done it two times already, so it's about time _I_ got to take care of _you_ , don't you think?"

...Two times? But Asuka's only been sick once...

...

Oh. She's talking about _that_ Angel, isn't she?

I guess I _did_ take care of Asuka after the fact. But what _else_ was I supposed to do after failing her like I did? I don't even want to think about what could have happened if Rei hadn't been there.

...Why is it that I always mess up when it counts the most?

" _Shinji_." Asuka taps me on the forehead, breaking my train of thought for the third time. "You're spacing out on me again."

...

...I'm really doing that a lot lately, aren't I? That won't do. I can't make things better for everyone if I lose my focus like that.

"S-Sorry."

"I said it's fine, already. But more importantly, can we agree that you're _not_ going to do anything stupid until you're feeling better?"

...

Okay, Asuka's right. It's probably for the best that I rest until I recover, since that will ensure that I'm a dead weight for the shortest time possible. Besides, being taken care of _does_ sound like a nice prospect, given how bad I'm feeling (not that I was ever going to have a say in the matter, apparently).

...

...But there's this glaring and important detail that's still unaccounted for:

"...O-Okay. But who's going to cook if I don't? Is Makinami-san going to come back soon?"

Asuka scoffs and crosses her arms, throwing her head to the side.

"She better _not_."

...Okay, so that's a 'no'.

"But then, who...?"

I think about the options for a few seconds, finding zero in terms of probable answers for my troubles. It doesn't help that Asuka's pointed glare tells me everything I need to know of her thoughts on the matter, namely, that I'm being 'dense' again as far as she's concerned.

But I _still_ don't see what's so obvious about the answer. If Makinami-san isn't a correct response and no one else is coming to help us, then that just means that it's the two of us here, right? And if I _can't_ cook, and Asuka's made it clear time and time again before that she doesn't-

...

...Wait a minute...

"You- _You can cook_ , Asuka?!"

Asuka's eyes somehow manage to narrow even further.

"...What's with the surprised reaction? _Of course_ I can cook!" She asserts, as if her words were common knowledge established long ago. A moment later, though, she adds under her breath. "...I mean, it can't be _that_ hard."

And neither the second of silence nor Asuka's quiet admission fill me with confidence about what will come out of this.

Not that I'm going to say that out loud.

-]O[-

"How is it? Tasty, huh?"

I take a few seconds to roll the soup around my mouth, doing my best to ignore the expectant stare that Asuka's failing to hide. The taste is a bit on the strong side, probably because Asuka used a bit too much salt, but overall...

"Yeah. It's good, Asuka."

Not bad at all for a first try. Definitely above Misato tier, that's for sure.

"Ha! Told you I could do it!" A happy smile blossoms on Asuka's face, one that makes it clear she's giving herself a very big pat on the back. "Something as simple as a kitchen can hide no secrets from me!"

It's a shame that it also couldn't defend itself from you. From the sounds of it, I get the feeling that a lot of the cooking stuff is going to need replacement.

I can't argue with the results, though, even if they _are_ surprising. But the next time that Asuka feels like cooking I must make sure to be there in order to run damage control. Especially if she feels like upping the ante and going for more difficult stuff than soup.

"Okay Shinji," she declares, picking up some more soup. "Now say 'Ah'."

"What?!" I quickly refocus my attention on Asuka, who's had her satisfied smile morph into a dangerous smirk. "I-I'm not doing that!"

"Come on, don't be shy!" she insists, using the spoon to probe just in front of my mouth. "This is the Great Asuka Langley-Sohryu feeding you, you know? Think of it as a great honour!"

...I'd think of it as an honour if it wasn't something that I _know_ you're going to hang over my head for days to come, Asuka.

...

...Oh, well. Might as well get it over with, since there's obviously no getting out of this one.

"...A-Aaahhh..."

Asuka's wide smile returns, and she wastes no time in putting the food inside my mouth, complete with flying plane sound effect. She then pats the top of my head as if I was some sort of puppy.

"Good boy."

The withering glare that I send her way has little to no apparent effect, what with Asuka dumping the spoon in the soup bowl for a second round with nary a worry in the world.

...This is so embarrassing. And it continues to be embarrassing until the last drop of soup is gone and Asuka heads off to the kitchen to clean the bowl, spoon and the many cooking utensils she used a few minutes ago.

I feel myself slowly drift off while she does so, listening to Asuka work, the sound of the water splashing against the pots lulling me into a state of half-sleep. Kinda like the effect that falling rain has in relaxing a lot of people, only louder. Because Asuka.

Soon enough, Asuka finishes with her tasks and walks over back to the couch, plopping down on the floor next to it. She then chooses to restart her head rubbing, which I'm more than happy with since it contributes to keeping the headache at bay.

A headache that's become far less painful over time, but that's still very much annoying. Nevertheless, I get the feeling that, despite appearances, the heatstroke hasn't hit me nearly as badly as it did Asuka because I remember her complaining about her head well into her second day of sickness, and Asuka's not one to loudly complain about stuff ailing her. She saves those complaints for plenty of other less important stuff, most of the time.

It's looking like I got off easy this time, which I'm completely fine with. The less time I need to stay indisposed, the better.

...

...Although I'll miss Asuka pampering me like this. This kind of thing normally goes the other way around and, now that I've tried it, I can see why she always takes every opportunity to have me play with her head. It's very enjoyable.

"You idiot," she eventually tells me in a soft voice. "You hurt yourself like this again and I'll kick your butt."

"...Didn't you already do that?"

"Don't get cheeky with me, that was a love tap. I can do _much_ worse." Asuka then stands up and motions to the back of the couch with her head. "Now, roll over."

"H-Huh?"

"I _said_ roll over."

Asuka repeats herself, and her tone, while not _quite_ angry, all but tells me that going against her wishes right now isn't the healthiest of things to do. Therefore, I press my back against the rear part of the couch before she needs to speak a third time...

And Asuka responds by quickly putting herself in the space I used to occupy.

"A-Asuka?! What are you doing?!"

"What?" she responds, smiling impishly. "This is nothing new, right?"

"N-No, b-but..."

You're _a lot_ closer than usual, I can smell your shampoo, count your eyelashes and... and...

...

...and you've just cut off my only route of escape.

"It's fine. Just relax, idiot." Asuka continues, seamlessly going back to being no-nonsense and making me swallow because of it. "I'm going to be raking you over the coals soon enough anyway, so you better make good use of this little rest."

And so, the so called 'little rest' does follow, although the period of time does very little for Asuka's supposed goal of helping me relax. I wonder why?

"So?" Asuka eventually looks me in the eye, further indicating that playtime's over. "What happened, Shinji?"

"..."

"Not up for speaking? Too bad, you're not running away from this one, Ikari. I'm done procrastinating on the whole giving you a piece of my mind thing, even if we have to stay like this until dark."

...

That's... actually not a bad proposal, Asuka. I'm more than tempted to remain silent just because of it, as a matter of fact.

But since I know that it's not going to be anywhere near as pretty as the optimistic side of my mind is making it sound, I better come up with an actual response. One that doesn't make Asuka worry, if at all possible.

"Nothing happened. I had an accident because I was an idiot, that's all."

"Right. There's one thing that's true in that sentence and it's you being a big idiot." She responds, narrowing her eye at me. "Other than that, do you really think I'm stupid enough to buy the rest of that BS, Shinji?"

"...Not really. It was worth a try, anyway."

"Good dodge. But hey, since _obviously_ you don't feel like talking, how about letting me be the one to make an educated guess?" Asuka leans forward, advancing further into my personal space. "That woman that showed up last week said something to you, didn't she?"

"..."

A scoff follows my non-response, Asuka clearly believing that my silence means she got it in one.

And she's right, because the woman she's talking about, Akane Yamano, _did_ speak to me like so many before her.

"Knew it. So, what did she have to share?"

The same things that the many before her did. That I was a murderer, the greatest genocidal maniac history had ever known. That she despised me, and wished for nothing more than someone putting a bullet in my head for ruining her married life, and so on, and so forth...

You'd think that after so many times hearing similar things over and over again my mind would sort of switch off in those situations, but no. Or rather, I don't know if it would, because I don't let it.

It _is_ my fault, after all, and I won't run away from that. The least I can do is listen to the words of the people whose lives I destroyed.

"...Okay, forget the answer. I can tell exactly what she said just by looking at your face." Asuka lets out an angry growl, closing her left hand into a tight fist. "Looks like I got myself another person on my shit list."

And I can see exactly where this is going.

"Asuka, don't."

"...Excuse me?"

Asuka soon blinks her confusion away, and narrows her eye at me for the umpteenth time today. It's clear that she's more annoyed with me than she's been in a long while, but I don't let that stop me.

"Don't have one of your talks with Yamano-san. I appreciate you doing that, but I can't... I can't keep on depending on you to handle my problems and-"

Asuka interrupts any further argument by meaningfully poking me in the chest.

"Don't give me that crap. You watch my back and I'll watch yours, remember? It's not like I'm doing much else, anyway, so it's really no skin off my nose to put one or two people in their place." Asuka pauses her poking for a second, her voice softening a few octaves before she continues. "Especially when we all know by now that Instrumentality was going to happen one way or another. What that woman's doing is unfair. You did nothing wrong, Shinji."

 _I did nothing wrong?_

Really, Asuka? I pulled the trigger on humanity! I know you're just trying to help, but you trying to make me believe that kind of lie actually makes me a little bit angry.

"That's easy for you to say," I scoff. "You didn't end the world."

"And _you_ didn't, either." Asuka counters, propping herself onto her injured arm to look at me from above. "But fine, I'll play your game: let's imagine for a second that I'm in your shoes, and that I've just survived a multi-month war against giant alien invaders. Altogether, I've sortied out fifteen times to fight hulking monsters that most grown men would run in terror from, all the time asking for very little in return. And it's been tough, and the fighting's left marks in me and my teammates, but we've pushed on, with the certainty that things will be better once the battle's over because we have each other and there's a tomorrow worth giving our hardest for."

"But then, the last Angel dies. And our reward for our service is having the army invade NERV with orders to shoot us on sight, due to background puppeteers activating the last step of their plans to become Gods. But even against those odds and with everything burning around us we don't give up, and choose to sortie one more time for an ungrateful world. It's the most important fight of our lives and we give it our all." Asuka pauses for an instant, before bitterly spitting her next words. "Or at least one of us does, because Rei is taken by my bastard of a father to fulfill a role she no longer believes in and my own EVA suddenly won't activate, because lo and behold, the madwoman that resides within has designs of her own, like _every freaking adult_ in this damn world, it looks like."

"And so I shout and beg for the EVA to move, to let me help the person that's desperately fighting up above against all odds, but it doesn't listen. And by the time it _does_ see fit to grant my wish and I finally catapult into the Geofront, it's too late, and the best thing that's happened in my life is lying dead on the ground, cut and sliced into _tiny little chunks_."

Asuka complements her last three words with a slow hacking motion of her good hand. She then lets out a breath and looks away, but doesn't waste a single moment in thinking about how she should continue her what-if scenario.

"I lose it for a while, and I take my anger out on those who have killed the awkward, gentle boy that I'd fallen in love with. I succeed to a degree, but then things start going down the shitter again and everything stops making sense. For the longest time I have no idea about what's going on anymore but, amidst all of it, Rei somehow appears in front of me after abandoning my sorry excuse for a father and poses me a question. It's a hard question, too. A _'damned if I do, damned if I don't'_ type of thing but, at least, one of the terrible options gives me a chance at seeing the most important person in my life again."

Asuka turns her eye towards me, staring intensely into my own. And not out of anger or worry, as she has the last few times, but out of something else entirely: care and affection in equal amounts but, most of all, honesty and confidence.

"And so, I take that option without a second thought. And here we are today."

...

Silence envelopes the room, settling in so firmly that the sound of Asuka's breathing and my own are the only things that could have masked the falling of the proverbial pin. Asuka looks deeply embarrassed too (if her bright blush is to be any indication), but she refuses to break eye contact by making full use of that headstrong and confident nature that I've always admired so much.

She's sending a message, and wants to make damn sure I understand it.

I, for my part, am struggling to come up with something to say in response to said message. Because while a small part of me was hoping for it, I honestly didn't think nor expect that Asuka would claim to make the same choice I've been struggling to accept for so long, let alone so decisively.

I could tell that she meant her words, too, even if I still find it hard to believe.

"You..." Feeling the need to make sure, I eventually find my voice again. "Y-You would have done the same thing?"

"Of course I would have! Fuck the world! What has the world _ever_ done for me? I don't care if it's selfish, but I wouldn't have given you up!" Asuka explodes before me, shattering the remnants of the silence as if it had never been there. "Besides, _'damned if I do, damned if I don't'_ , remember? Not going along with Rei's plan would have meant your prick of a dad or those other assholes doing the same thing on _their_ terms, and I don't need Rei to tell me that _that_ option would've been far worse than having my life and choices witnessed and criticized by every thought-capable being on Earth!"

"But... But the city..."

"What about the city, or the planet? I know you realise already that things would have gone to hell down here no matter what. You had no control over that, and beating yourself up over it is plain _stupid_."

Asuka takes a few seconds to catch her breath, and to run her temper through a few filters until she's feeling more relaxed. I allow her the time to do so, both because I feel it will be better for my overall well-being and because... I'm honestly running out of arguments to dispute her with.

"When it comes down to it, what you chose was the lesser evil, Shinji. And in time, everyone will come to realise that."

"...A-And if they don't?"

"Then they can go fuck themselves," Asuka responds, not a hint of doubt in her voice. "And if they have something to say, I'll be there. I watch your back and you watch mine."

...

Finally debated into silence, I spend the next few seconds just looking at her, running Asuka's declaration through my mind time and time again. It... makes me happy, to know that I have her wholehearted support even if it means having to make a stand against the entire world.

Asuka suddenly breaking away and burying her head against my chest breaks me out of my admiring, though. It looks like where her words made me feel glad they made her feel embarrassed, and that she's trying to hide that fact however she can, as usual.

...

Heh, it might be good for getting her point across when necessary, but that headstrong nature of hers also makes Asuka do the cutest things, sometimes.

"But that won't happen," she continues softly, not moving from her spot. "As we speak, people are already starting to figure out the terrible position that you were in, and you can actually thank Instrumentality for that."

I snap back to the topic we were discussing, my spirits dropping slightly. I'm more curious about Asuka's last line, though.

"What do you mean?"

"About your position, or about Instrumentality?"

"Both."

"Well, as far as Instrumentality goes, I believe that the more time people spend outside of it, the more they start to forget the mumbo jumbo of thoughts and feelings that we were forced into and single out the more important bits and pieces, like their personal stuff and what happened to you. I think that's helping them put things into perspective, already."

I direct my stare at the ball of red that forms the top of Asuka's head, wondering about her words. My experience within Instrumentality was different from everyone else's, so I can't really tell if Asuka's line of thinking is solid or if she's just throwing it out there for my benefit.

The bigger part of me doesn't put a lot of stock into the latter, but still...

"You think...?"

"Well, I'm basing it on _my_ experience, but I don't think my evolution would be any different from any other person's." Asuka shrugs, snuggling in closer and putting her good arm around my back. "But to prove it, tell me: remember Tetsuo, or Hikawa? Would you say they liked you when they first came out of the sea?"

Well, that's one easy question to answer.

"No."

The looks they gave me made that clear as soon as they joined with the both of us. And they were the first to do so, but by no means the last.

"Well, the two of them beat me at getting to you when you collapsed. Especially Hikawa, the guy was pale as a ghost."

I find myself blinking at Asuka. That's... not something I was expecting.

"...Really?"

"Really. Why would I lie to you at this point?"

I don't know. I guess it wouldn't make sense with how genuine Asuka's been about things until now, but still... what she said is somewhat bizarre to picture.

And kinda funny, too. In a twisted sort of sense.

"Heh, I didn't know the solution to my problems was so simple! So I only need to collapse every time some random person comes out of the sea, and all will be forgiven?"

Asuka bolts back as if pushed by some spring, piercing me with what's by far the hardest glare she's used all day.

"Don't even _joke_ about that."

...

And _that_ is why I don't try to be funny, most of the time. I'm terrible at it.

Good job ruining the mood, Ikari.

"...Sorry."

Asuka continues her assault for a second but seems to accept my apology, but not before putting her head back in its former position with a bit more force than strictly necessary.

I don't call her out on it. I've more than earned that one. Instead, I decide to focus on the potential positives that Asuka just brought to light, putting them to the test against the one person that I'm most worried about at the moment.

"But do you really think Yamano-san will come around? I mean, she was _really_ angry, more furious than the others. Something about -"

"It doesn't matter. I'm sure she will."

"...And what if she doesn't?"

"Then nothing you could do will make her change her mind, and there's little point in trying to seek her forgiveness." Asuka pulls her head back in order to narrow her eye at me. "Besides, if you collapse again and end up hurting or even _killing_ yourself out of some bullshit sense of obligation, _I'll_ be the one that won't forgive you. And I get the feeling that Rei will be in the same boat as me."

Rei... she wanted me to be happy. She was more than ready to sacrifice herself for that goal, in fact.

I've... avoided thinking too much about her, lately. Not only because I still feel guilty about Rei being forced to stay as some sort of guardian to the souls of humanity, but also because Asuka's probably right, and I know that she wouldn't have approved of my actions, either.

...

Heh, that would've been an afternoon and a half, right there. Asuka and Rei teaming up to tear into me for being an idiot. I don't know if I'd have survived to tell that tale but...

...

At least it would've meant Rei avoiding her awful fate.

"...Sorry, Shinji, I shouldn't have brought Rei up. For what it's worth, I... miss her, too."

I shift my eyes towards Asuka and don't fail to notice her downcast expression. Sometimes I forget how well the two of them started to get along after Asuka fully recovered, although neither of them ever told me about the reason for their sudden change of heart. Whatever it was, though, it must have been big to bring them from quarrelling opposites to... friends.

Or something like that. Because Rei was still Rei and Asuka was still Asuka.

"It's fine. Don't worry, Asuka."

"And I wouldn't worry if you didn't give me reasons for it." She sighs tiredly, half-heartedly poking me in the chest. "After all, what's so hard to understand about not owing those people anything, Shinji? Least of all your life."

"I mean, it's not like _any_ of them would be alive right now, if not for the choice you gave them. It wasn't your fault that things turned out like they did. You don't owe _anyone_ anything."

"Not even-"

"Not even me, no," she softly cuts me off. "I told you a thousand times already, remember? It wasn't your fault that bitch wouldn't move."

...

Yeah, she has. Time and time again Asuka has made the same argument, but while she's quick to excuse me and lay the blame on Mother, I don't think the issue is nearly as black and white as she makes it sound. I mean, it's simple to say that the situation was inevitable and call it a day, but didn't Misato-san prove time and time again that there wasn't such a thing as _inevitable_?

There must have been _something_ I could have done, even if the nights I've spent running scenarios and what-could-have-beens through my head haven't really provided a clear answer. Maybe if I'd gotten there faster, or if I'd tried saying something different to Mother, tried to reason with her...

"Oh, _come on_. You're _still_ moping, Shinji?" I hear Asuka groan, before she props herself on her elbow and grabs hold of my shirt. "Okay, I've had enough. Time to bring out the big guns."

"Big guns...?" I stare at the hand grasping my clothes, a hint of anxiety seeping into my voice. "What do you- Whoa!"

Asuka responds by pulling me until my back isn't resting on the back of the couch anymore. She then keeps on pulling and pushing us both with her good hand until she's on top of me, _straddling me_ , and then takes off her shirt, leaving the top of her body bare except for a bra and- and-

"You said that you _wanted_ to help me, and I know that's true because I _saw_ it. You're _not_ responsible for me being like..." Asuka motions with her hands towards her chest and abdomen, and my wide eyes follow the movement to where a few scars can be plainly seen. "...this. Understand?"

"A-A-Asuka!"

She smirks at my stuttering, before grabbing hold of one of my hands and making me feel even more flustered by using it to trace the line of the longest scar on her belly.

"You still like it, so it's not even _that_ bad, anyway." Asuka clasps my hand tightly, all signs of humour suddenly vanishing from her face. "But listen to me, Shinji, and make sure to listen _damn_ close: _I_ don't blame you, the world at large won't blame you, and the only thing every reasonable human out there wants you to do is for you to play your part in the reconstruction efforts. No martyrdom required, no thinking that you don't deserve a shot at a better life because of reasons out of your control. _Are. We. Clear. On. That?_ "

I swallow as I feel Asuka punctuate her last words with her index finger, and find myself nodding soon afterwards. Both because I _want_ to believe in what she's saying and because I'm _kinda_ terrified of the extremes she's willing to reach to get my agreement.

It's mostly the former, though.

"Good. But since I know that you're going to be stubborn about this like only you can, anyway, I'm going to offer you a compromise moving forward." Asuka then starts to lean forward, until she's so close I can feel her breath on my face. "If for some reason you _still_ feel guilty for what happened, if for some reason you feel that you _need_ to somehow make it up to me, or Rei, or the world, or whatever..."

"A-Asuka! W-Wait!"

Asuka grabs the sides of my face and forces me to look at her face to face.

"...Then you can start your penitence by making me feel like the happiest woman in the world."

...

...Wait, Asuka- She... wants me to do what I've always wanted to do, since that ride back from the hot spring? Since what was our first date, looking back?

It... It can't be that easy, can it? Nothing in my life has ever been that simple, that good...

Making her happy is...

...

While my rushing thoughts pass by, I find my vision fully occupied by Asuka, by the blue of her iris and the fringe of her hair, vivid like a blazing flame. By being so close that our noses almost touch, I can feel the tense quickening of her breathing, notice the heat from the crimson blush on her face and-

...and the feeling of her heartbeat, furiously resonating in time with my own.

"Well?" Asuka insists, fishing for a response. "Think you can do that, Shin-chan?"

And she looks at me. Deeply. Expectant. Nervous.

...

...

...As if there was more than a single answer I could give to that.

And so, I kiss her.

* * *

 **A/N:** **And so, here it is. After almost 37k words and 88 total pages of Word document,** _ **Swelter**_ **comes to an end. It was a fun story to write, and although I'd personally not rate it among the best stuff I've done, I do think it came out at the very least adequate. Am I alone in believing this, or are there others out there who think the same or differently? Do let me know, for stuff like that keeps a guy writing.**

 **As for next projects, I do have a pair of ideas that I could see myself pursuing. They're still very much in their infancy, though, so it will probably be a while before I have anything ready to show for either of them. In the meanwhile, I've been thinking that I want to do a short story with Rei in the center, for a bit of a change of pace. I'll see if I can come up with something and tie it into a Christmas thing while we're at it.**

 **In any case, if you've gotten this far and enjoyed what you read (or didn't, that's fine too) do let me know in a short review below. A minute of your time means a lot towards validating the many hours of effort I put into this story.**


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